The Lamest Contest Ever

I've been trying to think of a contest to do on this site, but unfortunately all the cool ideas, like this, this, this and this, have been taken. "There has to be some kind of contest I can do," I thought, and proceeded to channel all of my mental energy into solving this problem. Sure enough, within minutes my attention had wandered to something else entirely. "I'm really looking forward to having time to read again," I thought. I continued to think, for those of you who need some additional background, "The reason I will have so much time on my hands is that I'm quitting my job to take a year off. That's right, a whole year. I'm going to be spending most of my time building an addition to my house, but I'm also planning on having a lot more time to read. So much time, in fact, that I really need a reading list. Maybe I could post a blog entry asking people to suggest books I should read." Just then my mind snapped back into contest-creation mode.

"That's it! A contest where people can submit reading list suggestions."

"But how will I pick the winners?" The Reading List Train of Thought asked. "And won't the losers feel bad?"

"Yes they will," replied Contest Train of Thought. "Nobody wants to be a loser."

"No losers then," said RLToT. "Everybody wins! We will read every book anybody suggests."

"Wow, you are the dumbest train of thought ever to meander through these parts," CToT said. "People will be suggesting The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and Danielle Steele's Detritis. And what kind of prizes are you giving out?"

"No prizes. Just the satisfaction that comes from getting another person to read a book."

"Do you even understand what a contest is?"

"Vaguely."

"Well, at the very least, we need to get something back from the people entering, so they won't just deluge you with suggestions to read garbage."

"A link! We'll make them link to our blog. And not just a side bar link, an actual blog entry linking to our blog."

"And we'll make them tell us why they are suggesting the book."

"Yes! And they have to be semi-serious. I mean, it can't be just somebody saying that we have to read Fran Drescher's autobiography because it changed their life."

"Right. But if somebody can actually make a case for why we should read Mein Kampf...."

"We'll take them up on it."

"Absolutely. But it has to be an English translation."

"Yes. All the books have to be in English."

"So no Pynchon or Joyce?"

"Hmmm. We'll have to decide on a case-by-case basis. Nothing over 500 pages either. Unless it looks really good."

"Deal. And we'll commit to read every book suggested within a year from today."

"We'll have to limit it to 52 books."

"Wow, that's one a week!"

"Trust me, this thing's not going to generate that much interest."

"We should be able to guilt Gregory, Joel, Cindra, Wolfe, Mr. Fabulous, and Pavel into doing it at least. Probably Miss Kitty, too. Isn't she like a professor or something?"

"And what's a Hot Librarian for, if not to recommend good books?"

"Still, it is the lamest contest ever. In fact, that's what we should call it."

"No, we'll call it 'Make Diesel Read a Book.'"

"Excellent. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Can you write up these rules in a little more concise format?"

"You bet. I'll put it right here."

"Cool. Oh, and one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Which Train of Thought are you again?"

"Man, I was hoping you knew. It all blends together after a while."

Make Diesel Read a Book!