I'm sure I'm not the first one to think of this, but I'm the first one that I know of, so I'm taking credit for it. This is an adaptation of a fun parlor game that I invented called "How Gay Are You?" (although I'm pretty sure that if you've ever used the word "parlor" without the word "funeral" in front of it, you don't need me to tell you that you're gay. And no, I'm not gay, but I am the son of two English professors, a union which produces a special kind of freak). The idea is, you throw out the names of two celebrities, one of the same sex and one of the opposite sex, and ask, "Which one are you more attracted to?" The fun is to come up with progressively more attractive members of the same sex and progressively less attractive members of the opposite sex, until your victim finally cracks and has to call their mom to break the news. So here are 10 questions designed to determine your gayness. If you're a woman, you should really start at the other end of the list and work your way up, if you know what I mean. Give yourself a point every time you pick someone of the same sex as you. And if you find yourself thinking, "Well, I would pick x, but he/she has a really horrible personality," score the question in the "gay" column if you are a male, because straight men could give a crap about personality. And don't be lulled into a false sense of security by the fact that the first few questions are no-brainers. Everyone breaks eventually.Feel free to steal this for your own blog; just give me a shout out if you would be so kind. And please don't go into graphic detail in your comments here, as this is a family-oriented blog. Thanks.
Are you more attracted to...
1. Halle Berry or Dennis Hastert?
2. Scarlett Johansson or Woody Allen?
3. Uma Thurman or Dennis Franz?
4. Sarah Jessica Parker or Billy Bob Thornton?
5. Rene Zellweger or Steve Buscemi?
6. Courtney Love or Will Ferrell?
7. Hillary Clinton or Owen Wilson?
8. Sandra Bernhardt or Charlie Sheen?
9. Whoopie Goldberg or Ashton Kutcher?
10. Janet Reno or Brad Pitt?
Results
0 You're in serious denial. Nobody is that straight.
1-2 You're either a good liar, or ridiculously straight. Congrats, either way.
3-4 Safely in "don't ask, don't tell" territory.
5-7 I hate to tell you this, but your friends already know.
8-9 Wow, you're pretty gay.
10 You're just trying to upset your parents. Give it a rest.
Labels: Quizzes
| posted by Diesel at Saturday, November 11, 2006 |
|
Leave a comment! |
Uno.
I am a beast of a manly man.
Macho.
Gregory - I'm right there with you. Say, we have a lot in common. Do you want to go get coffee some time...?
I wasn't too sure on some of them (being a woman, personality is important to me) but by the time I( went uo to #2 there was no contest. Woody Allan, bleh; Scarlet Johanson is beautiful even not compared to a short, weird, dirty old man (whose talent is over-rated.)
sorry... Just can't look at another guy and get that "feeling" no matter how much I even imagine...
I do like musicals, though... hmmm... And I did record a few episodes of Will and Grace, but only because they were funny.
Really!!!
Pavel
Rob - I would love to get coff-
I mean a beer! Yeah, that would be, uh, cool. Sure.
Don't ask/don't tell - it's different for girls. Look I'm not making out with Dennis Franz, Woody Allen or some other schmo. I'm just not!
And by the way of course - not that there's anything wrong with that.
Janet Reno isn't a man?
I feel like Giancarlo Giannini in Wertmuller's Seven Beauties being forced to have sex with that obese, ugly female concentration camp commandant (Shirley Stoler) so that he can get a few scraps of food.
Like Giannini, I don't think I'd be able to do it with Reno because ... er ... family-oriented, huh ... I wouldn't be up to it. ;)
For any Don and Mike fans out there ... my answer would be ... Gay, but not TOO gay.
Deuce. Slightly less manly than Gregory or Diesel...but then, what can you expect from a guy who names himself "Diesel".
tofixo: When people lie about their scores in the "Gay or Not Gay game"
Only went the other way once.
And I'm not telling which one.
Although in the interests of full disclosure, I would fuck Clive Owen in a New York minute.
goldennib - Short, weird, dirty and old, yes. Over-rated, no. Sorry, the man is/was a comic genius.
Pavel - I'm going to give you a pass because (1) you have kids, and (2) you aren't afraid to post cute puppy videos, which clearly demonstrates how secure you are in your masculinity.
Gregory, there's a gay bar -- er, great bar right near my house. Meet you at 7.
G - Different for girls, huh? Do tell.
Dan - Yeah, I was tempted to use Janet Reno as the ugliest woman AND ugliest man. That's just how ugly she is. Dennis Hastert is way prettier.
Crack - No idea what that means. Thanks for stopping by though. :)
Joel - It's true. I'm frighteningly manly.
Fabulous - When you say you "only went the other way once," you are talking about the game, right? And while I'm sure that you and Clive would make a cute couple, that doesn't qualify your disclosure as "family oriented."
Mr. Logo and I both fall neatly into "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" territory, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Don't ask/don't tell. But I do have a girl crush on Uma Thurman. Tom says that is because she is masculine. So does that mean she counts for one point in the other direction and detracts the gay point from my score?
P.S.
Thanks for the material; I had nothing to blog at my place today and totally used your idea. And I did mention you...
I'm with Dan on this one. I'm having trouble believing that Janet Reno is a woman. Can you provide me with any proof? If so you could be rigging the results.
However, since I brought it up, if I really had to choose between Janet Reno and Brad Pitt... I guess I would say neither, but that may not be fair.
I hung in there with the women, however, Hillary and Reno would be like gagging down castor oil just to keep from being gay at all.
This from a guy who uses Mike Meyer's line to keep from being premature: Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.
Hope that doesn't leave you explaining things to your family audience.
Just Tom, I was wondering why you always whisper that in my ear...it slows me down too!
Logo - I'm not here to judge. Just to snicker.
Cindra - I've never understood Uma's appeal. She's odd looking. Interesting fact: Uma and I are exactly the same age.
Tom - I used to double numbers in my head: 1,2,4,8,16... I would lose track around 4,096 and have to start over.
BTW, you two really need to get a room.
Oh, sorry. Family oriented blog and all...
Thanks to your blog I'm coming out of the closet: I'm a lesbian.
This place is like a Vaudville show; D
PS: Perhaps his personage kills any laugh factor he may have but the only thing I think he ever did that was funny was the special machine he came up with. (Refering of course to Woody - and isn't that just too much of a compensatative [new word] name?) In case I've been too subtle, I want to state that I don't like him. There I've said it. I feel better.
Aston was the only man of the group I'd pic, and to be honest so it is with most of the men I know!
goldennib, I never thought about the corellation between Woody and woody before. Good one.
You broke me at Janet Reno. Mainly because I think he's a man.
@diesel Uma has remarkably big, and odd-looking feet. See her scenes in Kill Bill 1. I still find her cute though. Please don't tell me she's post-op. Let me preserve some illusion of straightness.
Thanks,
-wolfe