I'm starting a new feature: The Thursday Shout-Out, in which I present a post inspired by (or possibly stolen from) another blogger. Up first is Say No To Crack, a repository of "Humor for All Ages." Today's post was inspired by a post by Anita Bath about Crazy Celebrity Names.Celebrities are known for picking nutty names for their babies, like "Apple", "Rumer", or "Moon Unit". That's cool with me, because most celebrity offspring are bound to be drug-addicted delinquents anyway, so they might as well have crazy-ass names. I'd like to suggest, however, that celebrities work a little harder to pick names that reflect the likely personality or fate of the child, rather than just picking the name of their favorite fruit or interplanetary vehicle. Here are some suggestions:
- Drunken Wannabe Willis-Moore
- Disappointingly Average Cruise-Holmes
- Toothy Pencilneck Paltrow-Martin
- Heroin Timebomb Cobain-Love
- Senator Kennedy Schwarzenegger-Shriver
- Chastity (Snickers) Anderson-Lee
- Ward O. TheState Houston-Brown
- Moody Vegan Wright-Penn
- Awkward Silence Allen-Yi
- L. Ron Travolta-Preston
Try it yourself, it's fun!
Labels: Blogging
| posted by Diesel at Thursday, November 16, 2006 |
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Rumer isn't actually that odd of a name (it is an actual name.) What about Moxie Crimefighter?
Some fun, Diesel! And, a nice change from cute penguins and their happy friggin' feet.
WishIwasAdoptedbySomebodyElse Madonna-Ritchie
ImMyOwnAunt Allen-Yi?
i used to know a girl named Candie Lippz.
Al: don't make me go over to your place and smack you! what's Al short for, anyway? were your parents small?? hahahahaha!
okay, in my head that was hilarious...um... guess it's back to the Snark, where cutsie and/or silly humor is not only appreciated, it's celebrated as the art form it is (inside my head). xox
I've always been a fan of the name Moon Unit!
I like Heroin Timebomb, and Allen's kid, Awkward Silence!! I'd hate (or is that love?) having Allen as a father, he's one weird neurotic guy!
Robin - Well, they're all actual names, in the sense that some poor bastard (no, literally, they are generally bastards) is stuck with them. "Moxie Crime Victim" would be better -- as in, victim of the crime of excessive moxie.
Al - You won't find any cuteness here. Except for Robin. Good kitty.
The Allen-Yi offspring would have a good excuse for getting out of any obligation: "Sorry, my aunt is visiting that day."
Neva - It's better than Stinky Lipschitz. It must be nice inside your head. Are there kitties?
Sebastien - I think I'd prefer to have Allen as a crazy uncle. Of course, that would probably make him my sister or something, so maybe not.
I originally had an even crueler name for Courtney Love's kid, but decided against it. I'm actually hoping against all odds that she'll turn out ok. In my mind, these kids are victims. Idiot celebrities should know that their kids are going to have enough baggage without have to deal with being named Electo Staypuff or something.
ozbuce (adj): Being unable to make sensible decisions about basic things because one is too concerned with getting on magazine covers.
meow.
Obnoxious Popstar Spears-Federline
And isn't calling this a shout-out just a clever way to keep from calling it plagiarism?
And isn't calling this a shout-out just a clever way to keep from calling it plagiarism?
Robin - That's funny, my cat said the same thing to me this morning.
Gregory - Maybe Obnoxious Pop-Tart Spears-Federline.
That's an interesting accusation from someone who seems to be plagiarizing *himself.*
Actually, my post was "inspired by" Anita's post, and if you've ever watched a TV movie "inspired by" real events, you'll understand how tenuous that connection can be.
Peach Pitt – Jolie
I'm More Holy Jolie – Pitt
Talent Mismatch Aniston-Vaughn
How about: I jump on couches and spaceships-Cruise
Okay my couch humor just sucked. But yours didn't, my friend, as you made the caption contest finals yet again this week - congrats!
Goldennib - Is it going to be a Holy Jolie Christmas?
Gregory - Which one is the talented one?
Sar - Hooray! I do think that one was my best effort, but I really liked the homeless trap one too. Ok, so everybody head over to Sar's to vote for me. Please?
reacukee: I don't know what it means, but it sure is fun to say.
I think Vince Vaughn is a fairly talented funny guy. Of course, that might just be because of Anchorman. I love that movie.
I think I'll go have a glass of scotch.
Diesel,
Great post! Glad you came up with a whole list, I had fun reading a few of them when you commented to my whacky celebrity names post a week or two ago.
My favoriate
Disappointingly Average Cruise-Holmes
Heroin Timebomb Cobain-Love
Also, how about:
Already Confused Etheridge-Cypher
or
Who's my Daddy Etheridge-Cypher
BTW - in case you didn't catch the reference, these would be the kids to Melissa Etheridge and her partner, with David Crosby as the "too scary to be anonymous for long" sperm donor
Gregory - Ok, good. I was just testing you. I think Swingers is one of the funniest movies ever. Anchorman didn't do much for me, but Wedding Crashers was very funny.
Crack (you don't mind if I call you Crack, do you? Say No To Crack is so long. Of course, it's way shorter than this parenthetical bitch-session, so I'm not sure what my problem is, but there you have it) -
That's a good one. I almost did an Etheridge-Cypher one, but wasn't sure where to go with it. And really, when your kid starts off with a hyphenated name, one component of which means "zero", you don't really need another name to screw you up more. :)
Haha ... Crack is fine ;)
How about High Expectations Jolie-Pitt? Maybe Jennifer's Pissed Jolie-Pitt? Or Hopeur Notugly Causethat Wouldbea Sunuvabitch Jolie-Pitt.
Nothing's really going to top Peach Pitt-Jolie, though, so I think I'll stop trying.