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WTF?

I can't prove it, but I swear I drove by a truck this morning that had the letters WTF plastered along its side. There was some more lettering about whatever business the truck was in, and maybe a phone number, but all I had time to make out was WTF. Which is, coincidentally, what I was thinking when I saw it.

I mean, WTF? What kind of name is that? I spent most of the day wondering what kind of business WTF might be in. I imagined that maybe they deliver expensive and bizarre novelty gifts, like a grand piano made entirely out of cheese ("this C sharp cheddar is delicious!") or dead farm animals stuffed with poutpourri. I can see the commercials now: A woman looks out the kitchen window to see two men unloading a large stuffed goat, and says, "Honey, WTF is in the driveway?" And her husband says, "Yes they are! Happy anniversary, dear. And thanks, WTF!"

I tried to take a picture of the WTF truck with my camera phone, but my timing was a bit off so I ended up with a picture of my dashboard and part of my steering wheel, which actually isn't as interesting as it sounds. Come to think of it, this raises an intriguing question. In California they are making it illegal to use a cell phone while driving. But does that mean it's going to be illegal to take pictures with your cell phone camera while driving as well? I hope not. I rely on my camera phone to document all the interesting stuff I see while I'm driving, like my dashboard and part of my steering wheel.

I'd like to be the test case for that no-cell-phone-while-driving law. I imagine the courtroom exchange going something like this:

Diesel: Your honor, I wasn't using my phone while driving, and I can prove it. These pictures clearly demonstrate that I could not possibly have been talking on the phone when Officer Fredericks pulled me over, because I was too busy taking pictures with it.
Judge: Well, let's see them.
Diesel: Ok, this is a hot jogger chick I drove past shortly before Officer Fredericks pulled me over. See, she's giving me the finger.
Judge: Uh huh.
Diesel: And this is Officer Frederick's flashers in my rear view mirror.
Judge: Ok...
Diesel: And here's Officer Fredericks, walking up to my car. See how mean he looks?
Judge: Hmm...
Diesel: Here he is again, closer up. See?
Judge: He does look kind of mean.
Diesel: That's what I'm saying. This is his hand, trying to grab my cell phone.
Judge: What's this next one?
Diesel: That's my dashboard, and part of my steering wheel.
Judge: Nice composition.
Diesel: Thanks.
Judge: What about this one?
Diesel: Oh, that's a couple of guys unloading a Virgin Mary shrine made from pancakes and old Spice Girls CDs.
Judge: WTF?
Diesel: Of course!
Judge: Well, I have no choice but to find you not guilty.
Diesel: Hey, that's great! And thanks, WTF!

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Blogger G said...

WTF!? I'm sure there must be a PSA somewhere from cell phone companies about clicking and driving.

I mean not like I don't, just saying...

11:34 AM  
Blogger Sar said...

WTF, Diesel! You haven't come by yet to join me in my 11-11 bash and see that you're a caption finalist! Come bring your silly snarky self over already! ;)

(btw that was a very funny WTF post, thanks for the laughs)

11:39 AM  
Blogger G said...

Oh yes and a funny caption indeed!

12:59 PM  
Blogger Alastair P. Forbes said...

I like the artist's rendering best. Clearly it demonstrates that all WTF trucks driving around are only about 2.5 to 3 inches long which only adds to the mystique of WTF!

Seriously though, WTF that was funny.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Diesel said...

G - The great thing is that I cancelled my "media plan" on my phone, so I no longer seem to have any way of getting the pictures from my phone to my PC. So even if I had been able to get a pic of it, you'd have to come to my house to see it. Or I could send you the phone and call you up and ask you what you thought of it. But I don't have your phone number, so nevermind.

Sar - Sorry (Sar-y?), I was having technical difficulties. Everybody should go to Sar's and vote for the best caption (mine).

Alastair - That was an actual truck parked on a large flat dark gray table-like expanse of ground behind my house. You're just jealous of my mad photoshopping skills.

3:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WTF indeed!

8:21 PM  
Blogger Gregory said...

I'm assuming the artist's rendering is not to scale.

Seriously, WTF?! Except, my F stands for Fudge, because I don't say fu**.

That's unless, of course, I'm really, really, really, pissed off.

...or I stub my toe, because, come on, that hurts.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous neva said...

hilarious post... and your caption wasn't half bad, either (you know my loyalties are with my husband, but if i wasn't required to shamelessly pimp on his behalf, i would SO be voting for yours.)

you've done well here, grasshopper, i find i laughed so much i have, once again, managed to spray the screen with the tea i meant to drink. WTF. xox

8:36 PM  
Blogger Just Tom said...

There's a job for you at the Weekly World News with your mad skills in photoshop. either that or retouching photos for the FBI or CIA for government cover ups-- No, Mr. Bush was not snorting coke at that fraternity party in the 70s. Clearly he was absent as you can see in this picture (a pair of feet still sticking out from under the coffee table). Speaking of coffee, I think I had too much today. I think it was WTF brand.

9:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that may be a money laundering company out of Los Angeles. They can facilitate financial dealings world-wide. You can take your photos and do an expose on this little known phenomomomomnmn...

5:38 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Well I usually see GOD's trucks on the highway. Of course you probably don't believe this since you're one of those clinical, scientific athesits (GOD = Guaranteed Overnight Delivery).

I'll be in L.A. next week and since I'm an East Coaster, I have no conception of the geographical layout of California and where Ripon is. So I'll imagine if I make a left out of L.A. and then turn right at the Taco Bell, I'm in Ripon.

If I see you taking photos with your cell phone while driving, I'll take your photo and post it on my blog. If you flash me you may get hot chicks to your site.

On second thought ... please don't flash me.

8:57 AM  
Blogger Diesel said...

anonymous - WTF?

Gregory - Well, what else could it possibly stand for besides "fudge"? Here at the monastery that's the worst curse-word we have in our arsenal.

Neva - My work is done here. I actually thought at least one of the captions was better than mine, but that didn't keep me from voting for mine.

Tom - One of my many talents. I'm also proficient at stuffing farm animals with potpourri.

Goldennib - I'll be the Michael Moore of cell phone photography. I'm already nearly as big an ass***e.

Dan - I've seen the trucks of one of their subsidiaries. They have bumper stickers that say "Truckin' for Jesus."

BTW, the other deacons at my church are going to be disappointed to find out that I'm an atheist. As is God, I imagine, after all the work he's put into getting me to shape up.


isoqet (ISS - o - kay): A noncommittal reassurance, from the French word for tourniquet.

Usage: I'm really getting sick of my boss's isoqets regarding the pending layoffs.

9:33 AM  
Blogger Diesel said...

Dan - Make a left out of L.A., turn right at the Taco Bell, and then drive past 236 more Taco Bells, and you're in Ripon.

9:39 AM  



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