RIPON, January 18 — Paleontologists stunned the world today by announcing the discovery of a new species of dinosaur. The first known specimen of akathasaurus was found on a ten acre parcel of land owned by Ripon resident Rob Kroese. Kroese found the perfectly preserved fossil while excavating for an addition to his house.
"I was trenching for the septic lines when I found it," Kroese said. "At first I thought it was just a mound of dirt, but when I took a closer look it definitely resembled some sort of reptilian creature."
Kroese wasn't sure what to make of the odd looking specimen, so he called the Sacramento Paleontology Hotline. Dr. Simon Halbertson was there to take the call.
"It was a slow day," Halbertson called. "I had just gotten back from my only other call of the day. A farmer in Lodi thought he had found the knuckle of a pterodactyl, but it turned out to be the badly bleached head of Boba Fett. The guy was charging $20 a head to see it." When Halbertson told the man that carbon dating indicated that Boba Fett was younger than Barney, he had to cut his admission fee in half.
"You ruin a lot of lives in a this job," Halbertson said, obviously still troubled by the experience.
Halberston is convinced that the akathasaurus is the real deal.
"Akathasaurus means 'dirt lizard' in Latin," he said, to the chagrin of a reporter for the Vatican Times and a nearby vagrant who had majored in classical languages. Upon being corrected, Halbertson added, "And by Latin, I of course mean Greek."
He theorizes that akathasaurus subsisted on a meager diet of dirt and water, and perhaps mud when it was available. "Mud," Halbertson said, "was a luxury that few akathasauri could afford." When prompted, Halbertson conceded that he was pretty much making that last part up.
Despite Halbertson's stern warnings, Kroese insisted on poking the specimen with a stick.
"I think it's made of dirt," Kroese said. "I'm wondering if one of my kids built it."
Halbertson sneered at this suggestion. "Unless your kids were around six billion years ago, I highly doubt it," he sneered.
Kroese mentioned to Halbertson that he was pretty sure dinosaurs weren't around six billion years ago either.
Halbertson sneered once again. "I think carbon dating will settle this," he said.
"I doubt it," Kroese replied. "As I recall, carbon dating only works on things that are up to about 60,000 years old. After that, all the carbon-14 has disintegrated."
After hemming and hawing for a bit, Halbertson sheepishly admitted that he was just trying to pick up carbon-based life forms.
"Are you even a real paleontologist?" Kroese asked.
"Of course I am," Halbertson replied. "Paleontologist is Latin for 'appliance salesman', right?"
UPDATE 1/27/07: Shocking Truth Behind Dinosaur Hoax Revealed!
Mattress Tags: Ripon Dinosaur Humor
Listed on humor-blogs.com
"I was trenching for the septic lines when I found it," Kroese said. "At first I thought it was just a mound of dirt, but when I took a closer look it definitely resembled some sort of reptilian creature."
Kroese wasn't sure what to make of the odd looking specimen, so he called the Sacramento Paleontology Hotline. Dr. Simon Halbertson was there to take the call.
"It was a slow day," Halbertson called. "I had just gotten back from my only other call of the day. A farmer in Lodi thought he had found the knuckle of a pterodactyl, but it turned out to be the badly bleached head of Boba Fett. The guy was charging $20 a head to see it." When Halbertson told the man that carbon dating indicated that Boba Fett was younger than Barney, he had to cut his admission fee in half.
"You ruin a lot of lives in a this job," Halbertson said, obviously still troubled by the experience.
Halberston is convinced that the akathasaurus is the real deal.
"Akathasaurus means 'dirt lizard' in Latin," he said, to the chagrin of a reporter for the Vatican Times and a nearby vagrant who had majored in classical languages. Upon being corrected, Halbertson added, "And by Latin, I of course mean Greek."
He theorizes that akathasaurus subsisted on a meager diet of dirt and water, and perhaps mud when it was available. "Mud," Halbertson said, "was a luxury that few akathasauri could afford." When prompted, Halbertson conceded that he was pretty much making that last part up.
Despite Halbertson's stern warnings, Kroese insisted on poking the specimen with a stick.
"I think it's made of dirt," Kroese said. "I'm wondering if one of my kids built it."
Halbertson sneered at this suggestion. "Unless your kids were around six billion years ago, I highly doubt it," he sneered.
Kroese mentioned to Halbertson that he was pretty sure dinosaurs weren't around six billion years ago either.
Halbertson sneered once again. "I think carbon dating will settle this," he said.
"I doubt it," Kroese replied. "As I recall, carbon dating only works on things that are up to about 60,000 years old. After that, all the carbon-14 has disintegrated."
After hemming and hawing for a bit, Halbertson sheepishly admitted that he was just trying to pick up carbon-based life forms.
"Are you even a real paleontologist?" Kroese asked.
"Of course I am," Halbertson replied. "Paleontologist is Latin for 'appliance salesman', right?"
UPDATE 1/27/07: Shocking Truth Behind Dinosaur Hoax Revealed!
Mattress Tags: Ripon Dinosaur Humor
Listed on humor-blogs.com
| posted by Diesel at Thursday, January 18, 2007 |
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Get back to work, Diesel! *crack* Go on.
I like the big dirt lizard. You made it when your kids were in school, didn't you?
The fashionistas of science, Paleontologists can be such bitches, huh, Diesel?
I think Akathasaurus is actually Greek or Latin for "All it's missing is the carrot for the nose."
Hee. Having fun building the house?
Ok, just so you know, my 7 year old made it. Well, the dirt pile was there, but it was his idea to line up dirt clods on top of it to make it a dinosaur (although I think he said it's a dragon). He worked on it for several hours. Creative kid, that one. I was going to just post pics and say "Look at the neat dragon my son made," but as usual I couldn't bring myself to do a completely serious post.
hah! just as i suspected! i *knew* that story was a fabrication, mostly because i'm quite sure you can't trust a "sneering" paleontologist. especially one who sneers.
clever kid ya got there, Diesel -- must take after his dad. xox
Dinosaur/dragon - it's all good. Wow, funny I would think that would have even made the national news. Maybe you got on the wrong side of the paleontologist salesman.
By the way, is that still the USC ass in your sidebar?
Okay, g, I'm confused.
The guy is a paleontologist, or he sells appliances, or he sells paleontologists?
Which one is it?
Gregory, my guess - d) all of the above.
He's something of a Renaissance man. Or maybe a Jurassic man.
Imaginative little guy. and dirt is cheap, lots of it available, too. He could start a business as a side line, after school. Dirt Dragons. The newest in lawn ornamentation. Huh, see where I'm headed with thisw? Profits, Diesel - profits! D :)
The real money is in the lemonade stand concession.
"Inexplicable lizard", eh?
The piece would be funnier if you hadn't captured a colleague I once worked with to perfection. I wonder if he's still selling creationism to rapt Australian audiences ...
I'm impressed to Punxsutawney and back with the dirt lizard. Seven years old, huh?
Have you told your child how much all of your readers like the 'dragon'?
I still kinda suspect you did it and are using your kid as a beard.....,
FelineFrisky - I like the way you think.
Somewhere Joe - If you don't stop making comments that are funnier and/or more insightful than my posts, I may have to exile you.
oceallaigh - Do you know a lot of creationists who have found dinosaurs in their backyards?
Actonbell - Yep. He's a very creative child.
Notaclue - I don't think he knows or cares that I have readers. :)
Ha, loved it. I need to show my 2 year old those shots tomorrow, he'd love them.
Are you sure that's not a real dinosaur? It looks real and you have the testimony of an expert. Did you see you son make it? I'm not convinced.
Brings back memories... back in the day my boys LOVED dinosaurs.
That sculpture- pure genius! Hot glue gun it together and sell it on ebay. Save the money for the little guy's college fund, trust me, you are gonna need it!
Anita - My kids need to have their own blog. Their stuff is the most people stuff I post.
Goldennib - The world may never know, since I'm pouring concrete next week.
Claire - I'm assuming he's going to be getting scholarships.
I think I read somewhere that, when he was 7, Jeffrey Dahmer used to make dinosaurs out of dirt in his back yard. Or, maybe that was that Richard Feynman...?
Al - I think Jeffrey Dahmer made them out of dead cats. Or was that Erwin Schrodinger?