As you know, Dr Pepper is my muse. I therefore took it particularly hard when the marketing wizards at the Dr Pepper company turned out to be no more wizards than, well, than Dr Pepper is a real doctor. From the Buffalo News:
Less than a month after Boston's highways and bridges were shut down during a bomb scare touched off by an advertising stunt, a new marketing scheme has led angry city officials to shut down a historic site.
A clue in a Dr Pepper promotion suggested a coin that might be worth as much as $1 million was buried in the 347-year-old Granary Burying Ground, the final resting place of John Hancock, Paul Revere, Samuel Adams and other historic figures.
After contestants showed up at the cemetery gates early Tuesday, the city closed it, concerned that it would be damaged by treasure hunters.
Read the rest of the story here.
I did some digging (ha!) and found out that, astonishingly, this wasn't even the worst marketing gimmick the Dr Pepper people came up with. I present to you...
Ten Rejected Dr Pepper Marketing Gimmicks
10. Mysterious packages are left unattended at airports all over the U.S. If you find one of the packages and bring it on a plane, it will automatically open at 20,000 feet, revealing twelve glass bottles of Dr Pepper and a solid gold bottle opener shaped like a hand grenade.
9. Win a million dollars by finding the Diet Dr Pepper can buried under a mountain of ten thousand dead lab rats.
8. The "Forrest Gump" promotion: Get a picture taken of you drinking Dr Pepper within ten feet of the President and win ten thousand dollars!
7. One of the paintings at the Metropolitan Museum of Art has been replaced by a fake hiding a hundred one thousand dollar bills. The false veneer can only be dissolved by a spraying it with a fine mist of Dr Pepper.
6. The "Movie Lover" promotion: 10 Dr Pepper cans in the U.S. are filled with highly corrosive acetic acid used for developing film, instead of Dr Pepper. Find one and win a trip to the Cannes Film Festival!
5. T.V. Commercial: A man lies on his death bed, unconscious. Close-up of a doctor's hands hooking up an IV, as a voice says, "There's only one thing we can do for him now." Zoom out: We see that the IV tube is connected to a can of Dr Pepper. Cut to a concerned nurse who says, "Are you sure that will cure him, doctor?" Cut to the doctor: "Cure him? I just figured if he's going to be a vegetable, he might as well be a Pepper!"
4. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper -- now with a hint of nutmeg!
3. Free Dr Pepper for life for all type II diabetes sufferers.
2. A new beverage specifically designed to make people crave Dr Pepper: Dr Salt!
1. Picture this: Race car driver Jeff Gordon is at a gas station, refueling his car. Next to him is his 5 year old son. "Now for the secret ingredient," Gordon says to his son, with the air of someone imparting fatherly wisdom. He opens a can of Dr Pepper and pours it into the gas tank. When he's finished, he says, "And that's the secret of great performance, son." Gordon looks around, but his son is nowhere to be found. Finally Jeff sees him: His son is guzzling gasoline directly from the pump! They share a good laugh.
In doing research for this post, I came across this. I'd thank the person who put this together, but I'm guessing he's dead.
Speaking of stupid marketing gimmicks, have you heard of humor-blogs.com?
Labels: Pop Culture, Satire
| posted by Diesel at Wednesday, February 28, 2007 |
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Leave a comment! |
That was a lot of Dr. Pepper cans.
At least Jeff Gordon didn't pee in the tank too.
The spraying Dr. Pepper on fake paintings is awesomely funny.
Let's just hope that the contestants try more Picassos than Vermeers when attempting to find the fake.
I'm no fan of Dr. Pepper, but this was funny stuff, Diesel! Now if the marketeers could somehow manage to tuck a can under Britney Spears' dress...
NOW you do a Dr. Pepper post... after i've already used my stupid why-does-Dr.Pepper-come-in-a-bottle joke. oh, woe is me.
too funny. well, not "too" funny, i mean, can anything ever be "too" funny? no, i think not. still, this made me laugh so hard i spewed Dr.Pepper onto my computer. or i would have, had i been drinking it at the time.
oh, and as for #2, don't you mean Nurse Salt? (or am i just being sexist and/or stupid?) xox
I may just die from thinking about the Dr. Salt. Death seems preferable to Dr. Salt.
10 Dr Pepper cans in the U.S. are filled with highly corrosive acetic acid
You could tell?!?
I may just die from thinking about the Dr. Salt.
Do not check the label on a can of Sprite ...
;)
they don't call carbonated soft drinks "sodas" for nothin', do they, O'C? ; )
Awesome post! Hiding a coin in a cemetary--that's funny stuff. ALL of those ideas are great:)
And that's an impressive array of cans. Reminds me that there was a Mr Pibb on the market for awhile, too--was that a Coke product?
Can you imagine the thoughts of the first cemetery worker to see a group of wild eyed people with shovels in hand standing at the gate...ok the article didn't say they had shovels, but I like to think so.
Furiousball - Way to spoil the next one in the series.
Joel - You mean because you like Vermeer or because you wouldn't be able to tell if somebody spat on a Picasso?
Al - I have no idea what that means. But thanks!
Neva - You're being sexist but not stupid.
Jay - Reminds me of the time I was sucking on a water softener pellet (don't ask - I was imitating my older brother) and accidentally swallowed it. I drank 3 glasses of milk and wet the bed. Man, college was crazy.
Amoeba - If you add enough sugar to it, I'll drink anything.
Actonbell - You do realize that the cemetery one was for real, right? Mr. Pibb is still around -- it's toward the bottom. Although they call it "Pibb Xtra" now. I guess Pepper's degree was giving him an inferiority complex.
In doing research for this post, I came across this. I'd thank the person who put this together, but I'm guessing he's dead.
If he's not he should be. Let's get him! :)
Funny post!
What a coincidence! My blog is powered by Dr Pepper, too...although I've developed a taste for Pibb Zero in recent months. Shh...I'm trying to let the Dr down easy.
Those cans remind me of a roommate in college who had a beer can collection that she insisted on keeping stacked in a pyramid in the living room. ut they weren't even cool beers, they were just random, and sometimes cheap or generic, beer cans.
And 11th bad gimmick - for the Yuppie crowd, Dr. Paprika.