I'm a hopeless romantic.I'm also hopeless as a gymnast and harpsichord player, if you must know.
I met my future wife at a college basketball game in January of 1992. I was playing center, and she was the captain of the cheerleading team. That's a ridiculous lie. I'm also hopeless as a basketball player. And while my future wife certainly
We were both ushers. We worked the front door together. We bonded by reciting dialog from the Saturday Night Live 15th anniversary special, which we'd both seen far too many times. As things wrapped up, I asked her what she was doing after the game.* "Going home," she replied tersely. Ah, young love.
Fortunately (for me, at least), I persisted, stopping by her dorm room repeatedly over the next few days. She was friendly but a little cold. Her story is that I made her "nervous." Nerves don't explain the pepper spray though, do they? No, they do not.
Our first date was the week before Valentine's Day. This put me in an awkward position. I had been trying to ingratiate myself with this girl for a couple weeks now, and I wasn't entirely sure that she wasn't just humoring me. I wanted to do something for Valentine's Day that indicated I liked her without scaring her off.
I honestly don't remember what I ended up doing. I may have just called her, or gotten her some lame-ass card. But I remember feeling cheated by circumstances. I was in love with this girl, and I felt constrained not to demonstrate it on the one day that I should have been able to go crazy. Not that I'm a big fan of Valentine's Day; as a rule I don't like having my behavior dictated by the Hallmark corporation. But I would have made an exception for her, if I didn't think that I'd have scared the bejesus out of her.
My solution was to say, essentially, "Screw Valentine's Day. Screw Hallmark. And screw American Greetings too, while we're at it." I made up my own holiday.
On February 26, I slipped a card under my future wife's door. It was a "Happy Birthday Grandson" card. I wrote "Happy Inappropriate Card Day!" on the inside. And a new tradition was born.
Every year, my wife and I exchange inappropriate cards. One year she got me a sympathy card. One year it was a little kid's birthday card, with Bambi on the front. The caption was, "Kinda wobbly, aren't you?" I think last year I got her a card that said "Happy Father's Day from both of us." My best effort was the time I stopped at a gas station on the way home from work and got her a postcard with the windmills from Altamont Pass on it. "Wish you were here," I wrote.You can give an inappropriate card to anyone. There are no rules. Well, except for the fact that the card has to be completely inappropriate -- and not risque inappropriate; that's too easy. It has to be a card that would be perfectly appropriate for someone other than the recipient, preferably on a completely different day.
Last year I told some people at work about my holiday, and they thought it was fantastic. So I decided that this year I would release it into the wild, and see if it takes to its new habitat. This year, celebrate Inappropriate Card Day with someone you love.
Inappropriate Card Day is February 26. Start rummaging through your reject card pile today!
*We won, as a recall. Calvin went on to win the Division 3 championship that year. I like to think I had something to do with that.
Shamelessly whored out to humor-blogs.com.
Mattress Tags: Inappropriate Card Day
| posted by Diesel at Wednesday, February 14, 2007 |
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Wow, you went to Calvin? That explains a lot.
Wow, you went to Calvin? That explains a lot.
Ah, inappropriate cards!
Reminds me of the get well card we got for a girl when I was in college. It was a Bar Mitzvah card. Delightful.
Allen: can't be as inappropriate as the get well card I sent to my ex boss. He'd died two days earlier, I was on leave at the time so no one thought to tell me.. ho hum it's the thought that counts ;0)
Oh sorry Diesal sweetie, I didn't mean to be rude, popping in and not saying hello. I love the idea of an inappropriate card day, thank you.
i'll definately have to start participating in inappropriate card day. most surely will!
It's the day after my wedding anniversary so I'll remember it. You're a charmer, you are. I'm also laughing (not laughing) at St. Jude's unfortunate timing.
Now this post is my idea of a perfect Valentine; it captures perfectly the vibe that links you and your wife. Inappropriate Card day has a future (just don't let Hallmark get a hold of it...imagine the "Remember How the Dog Ran Away The Day We Picked Pumpkins Together?" line of cards.
My wife's grandmother works for American Greetings, and we get all sorts of free discarded paper plates, napkins, stickers, etc.
I will have to start asking for cards now as well...
I like this idea MUCH better than my idea: Inappropriate Comment Day. Instead of a wife, I just about got a restraining order.
I work next door to a Crisis Center Thrift Store. They've got tons of "vintage" inappropriate cards. Cheap!
Can't wait to put them to good use.
so i can finally use the "timeless" card with a picture of that adorable little girl with her finger up her nose on the front, that reads: "I Picked this for YOU"?
excellent. lovelovelove Inappropriate Card Day! let's just hope Hallmark and/or American Greetings never gets wind of it, otherwise, all bets and/or "inappropriate" cards are off.
seriously, Diesel, that was a very romantic -- albeit slightly desperate gesture. so glad everything worked out in the end. or is the girl you initially did this for *still* your "future" wife? in which case, how much longer do you plan to be with the one you have now? xox
My specialty used to be doing (for example) Valentine's in, say, August. But I'm going to have to give this a try.
Never mind Hallmark. Try keeping this away from "How I Met Your Mother".
Robin - Not everything, but a lot, yes.
Allen - My friend once got his brother a card for his birthday that said "Congratulations! We heard you're retired!" Inside he wrote, "I thought it said 'retarded.'"
St. Jude - Wow. That's a whole new level of inappropriateness. And thanks for calling me sweetie.
Pink Drama - Excellent!
G - You can celebrate a day early if you want.
Jocelyn - The card companies can't make an intentionally inappropriate card. That would be appropriate. It's a greeting-card-company-proof holiday.
Joel - It still beats inappropriate touching day.
Spookyrach - Give them to everyone you know!
Neva - She's my future ex-wife. When she tires of me, I mean.
Amoeba - I stay away from anything Doogie-related.
BTW, I've added a couple of pics to liven the post up a bit. I don't know where one finds a Steven Seagal Valentine's card, but there really should be such a thing
Hah! Great idea!
(I hate Valentine's Day!)
Thanks for the memories of those fun times. I also seem to recall that you took my class schedule and labeled all the empty spaces "quality time with Rob". Pretty sure of yourself, weren't you?
I really like this idea! February 26 is Mr. Mayhem's birthday, so I feel certain I can find him an inapropriate card! Mr. Mayhem and I met in 1991, while I was a freshman in college and he had just graduated. I was a supermodel and he happened to catch one of my shows! Yeah, that wasn't exactly how it happened....but I am a little sketchy on the details! It was a long time ago! :)
This idea beats the crap out of the "Festivus" idea they had on Seinfeld.
By the way Diesel, I like the basketball player/cheerleader lie, but making yourself a center...come on now :)
LOL! Love it :) Reminds me of the time my best buddy in college (who happened to be a guy) had a birthday when we were on a trip to Stratford (not England...it was in Ontario, Canada). Anyway, we got him a "Happy Birthday! Now you're 2!" card with Strawberry Shortcake on it (it was a scratch 'n sniff one) and stale leftover birthday cake that was actually the last one at the grocery store...it said "Happy Thanksgiving on it". LOL
Ooops! It said "Happy Thanksgiving" on it! ;p
Happy Valentine's Day!! I know I can find lots of inappropriate cards. hee, hee, hee...
That is AWESOME!!! What a great idea! I think maybe I'll do this to MuNKi (we never do cards anyway, so that makes it all the better heh, heh, heh!!)
I got my sis a sympathy card for her 40th bday last year. But this is even better. }:->
Oooooh, the trick may be to try to make it risque even if it's totally not. I do love a challenge. ^_^ Thanks for a great idea!
My schtick is to get a kid's birthday card with one of the numbers that I will need for an older person. I'll get a "Now you're 5" card and insert the 2 or 3 or whatever in front of the 5. I like yours very much. Less work.
You know, Diesel, you really have to figure out how to find someone to PAY you for all these good ideas. They're beauts, they are. With the exception of the fact that ex. Mr. Angela and I met at a division 3 basketball game in Feb. of '94 (or was it NAIA? Hell, I can't remember), I think Inappropriate Card Day rocks! My kind of holiday! When I tell people that Groundhog Day is my favorite holiday, they can't figure out if I'm serious or not. I like it that way. And Calvin -- that sounds familiar. We either kicked their ass in basketball or I went to a conference with folks from there. Maybe they kicked our ass. Can't remember. Ahhh, Boston, it's all coming back to me now. {{{shiver}}} I was the basketball coach's wife. Yuck.
I obviously don't have enough to do today because I double-checked that yes, my alma mater did *not* kick your alma mater's ass, but rather was in the same division with Ex. Mr. Angela's team. (Eeewwww) With my apologies. He's no longer coaching, at least not at Christian Colleges. Thankfully. Now he's just screwing up young at-risk kids in golf. Piece of work, he is.
On a nicer note, how lovely to see Mrs. Diesel. Does she really exist, or is she like Troy? ;o) (Just kidding - I believe she exists.)
I like that tradition better!
I LOVE inappropriate card day!
It is the greatest idea EVAH and it will become part of the logo family madness. I shall be blogging about this.
A couple other odd holidays we celebrate:
April 22nd~ Jelly Bean Day
December 23rd~ Festivus
February 15~ Ogre day
January 16th~ National Nothing Day
I am SO celebrating that day!!! I love it!!! you're genius!!!!
Diesel, I will definitely be pitching this idea to my wife.
And my "pitching this idea to my wife", I mean giving her a Yom Kippur card and a bag of Swedish fish and blogging about it later.
Inappropriate Card Day is the best idea ever. Finally, a use for all those bereavement cards I've been stockpiling!
Malnurtured Snay - Thanks!
Better half - I was a cocky schmuck, wasn't I?
Queen of the Mayhem - You definitely need to get Mr. Mayhem an inappropriate card. This year and every year.
Drive-By - I'm not even sure what a center does. Centers things?
Chrissy - LOL! You're pretty hard on yourself with the typos. :)
Pinky - I'm sure you can....
Candace - You're welcome. BTW, I now get daily requests from my kids to "watch the kitty show."
Gawpo - That's a great idea too. Now you have license to be as inappropriate as you want!
Angela - Come to think of it, nobody else seems to be able to see Mrs. Diesel. Curious.
CSL - So you're on board?
Logo - Wow, you've got a lot of interesting stuff going on. Glad you have room for one more!
Arlene - Thank you (blushes)...
Gregory - That's the spirit!
Jess - Aren't you glad you have me around? Although I have to admit, Isolation Day certainly has its appeal.
oh my word... this is the best laugh I've had in ages, and the comments. Wish I could think of something appropriately funny but I can't... Diesel, you rock!
LOL! Re: typos- Yeah, it's the price one must pay for being an English teacher! Sickening, isn't it? :)
PS. Diesel, I've got a scary story post on my blog, and was curious to whether you had any to share.
This is a perfect idea for a procrastinator. I always plan to send birthday and christmas cards but never get around to it. If I send greetings for Inappropriate Card Day, I can feel somewhat redeemed. After all, what else is there to do the last half of February?
I also love the story about how you met your future wife. You can tell a lot about people by how they tell their "How we met" story.
Ann - Thanks!
Chrissy - I actually saw your scary post. It's freaky. I've got nothing to match that.
Theresa - Isn't it great? And even if you forget about it on Feb. 26, you can always say you meant to celebrate it a day late because it's even more inappropriate that way. Thanks for stopping by!
I will be participating.
Well, hell! I love this holiday! I'm just in time to do this.
Is it STILL inappropriate card day? I always seem to be a day late! In any event, I shall make it 'inappropriate' especially if it's late-- if you can dig that. What could be more inappropriate? Now I have to get busy and start sending out my late inapppropriate cards.....ta ta!
genius, pure genius!