When I was a kid, little girls played with the likes of Holly Hobbie™ and Strawberry Shortcake™. Today such wholesome characters have been replaced by edgier models. Dolls today -- or should I say "action figures," as in "G.I. Joe™ went into town looking for some...." Anyway, dolls today need to have attitude. They need to be a little naughty and dangerous to interest the future skanks of the world. At the forefront of the revolution are the Bratz™ girls (or is that grrlz?), who bare their midriffs, sport gaudy jewelry and wear more makeup than Lon Chaney at a Gwen Stefani concert.
Not to be outdone, Mattel has recently upped the ante with their latest line of Barbie™ dolls. Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you, it's:
Crack Whore Barbie™!
And no, this probably wasn't worth the amount of time I spent on it. In case you want to admire my mad photoshopping skeels, here's the original image.
In other news, you may have noticed that I've killed the Dispatches. They will be returning in a slightly different format shortly. If I can wrassle Blogger into submission.
I'll be finishing The Kite Runner this weekend. I'll post my thoughts at Central Booking tomorrow. Next up: Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstader suggested by Wolfe from Wolfe's Musings.
Not to be outdone, Mattel has recently upped the ante with their latest line of Barbie™ dolls. Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you, it's:
Crack Whore Barbie™!
And no, this probably wasn't worth the amount of time I spent on it. In case you want to admire my mad photoshopping skeels, here's the original image.
In other news, you may have noticed that I've killed the Dispatches. They will be returning in a slightly different format shortly. If I can wrassle Blogger into submission.
I'll be finishing The Kite Runner this weekend. I'll post my thoughts at Central Booking tomorrow. Next up: Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstader suggested by Wolfe from Wolfe's Musings.
Labels: Pop Culture
| posted by Diesel at Saturday, February 03, 2007 |
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Leave a comment! |
Wow, Diesel! That's a lot of free time you have there...
Crack whore Barbies?! ROFL!!!
Won't be long...
"wear more makeup than Lon Chaney at a Gwen Stefani concert"
I think you've captured it.
I'm rather fond of the Groovy Girls line myself. I think it strikes the right balance.
OMFG!!! Totally ab fab! Totally not a waste of time, like! Luvved it almost as much as I luv my kicks! Totally!
Weird, I was just talking about the Bratz line earlier this morning to my 12 year old.
Since Mattel is feuding with Bratz maybe you should submit your version of Barbies and get royalties?
lolz! creative minds at its best! :)
Does Crack Whore Barbie come with Crystal Meth Ken?
HAHA! You and I should go into the photo editing business together. We'd make a killing! ;)
LOL!! You are hillarious! :) Oh, and talk about mad photoshop skillz!! (I love notaclue's comment too! Submit your new Barbie and friends version and reap rewards for royalties!)
PS. I can't stand those Bratz dolls!
Those are some mad photoshop skills you have :)-
Would that be Lon Chaney Junior or Senior? By the way, the crack whore in the blue shorts has one hell of a tattoo.
Wow, that is exactly how I look except my tat is bigger and more flattering.
the bratz! how i hate them. i don't even have a girl, but if i did, i would be scared to death of these dolls. what are they teaching girls? what's wrong with people? i loved my strawberry shortcake and she had lots of clothes... and they smelled like strawberries, not hoochie.
:)
That's hilarious! You are getting pretty darned good at photoshop, I must say. I'm going to have to show this to Tom. Well done, Diesel!
Ah, the Bratz dolls aren't that bad. It is kind of creepy that you have to pop their whole foot off to change their shoes though.
If you ask me, Hollie Hobbie and Strawberry Shortcake were also scary, just in a different way. And Barbies, with their feet molded permanently into high-heel shapes! Yikes. I like your grunge version of Bratz (a terrbile name for a doll). Wouldn't want to run into them in an alley, though.
I couldn't see the original picture :-( I'll have to take your word on the mad skillz!
Bratz huh? Yeah, I'm not a huge fan, but my daughter loves them! We had MANY talks that it's not ok to show your tummy, etc!!
I've heard they're already planning a follow-up for the Christmas season.
"Santa Stripper Barbie"
Should be a big seller.
You Photoshop genius, you. I'll have to come up with some way to one-up you.
LOL, Diesel, that was good--but unfortunately, it does seem to get worse all the time, doesn't it?
I believe that we are living in scary times. To wit:http://dlisted.com/2006/10/27/pole-dancing-for-kids/comment-page-1/
Is there nothing toy companies won't try?
http://dlisted.com/2006/10/27/pole-dancing-for-kids/comment-page-1/
Maybe that worked better?
Well, it looks like this little time-waster is going to end up being one of my most popular posts ever, judging by the traffic. Go figure.
I've got another fun little bit of photoshoppery planned for tomorrow. Stay tuned....
I bet the crack whore Barbie could kick any one of the Bratz dolls asses. Crack whores are ruthless. Or, uh, so I hear.
As a mother of an eight year old who LOVES Bratz, I can tell you...they are PURE EVIL! To call these dolls hoochy is putting it mildly! I refuse to let the Princess buy any doll with a bare midriff. Of course, that makes it nearly impossible for her to buy one of those dolls. You should hear her as we look at those dolls..."What about this one, is she inapropriate?" OR, "Only a little bit of her belly shows...is that alright?"
I can't be certain, but I fear that Bratz dolls just MIGHT be a sign of the apocalypse! UGH! Hate those things!!!!
Crack Whore Barbie, on the other hand....sign me up for three! :)
Now I want to have sex with Barbie. I feel sick. (And turned on).
You and I clearly live in the same world. My seven-year-old daughter (yes, a future skank) has been remarking on those new crack whore Barbies. Get this--how lucky I am--she hates them as much as she hates Bratz. Because she is a Quality Child, she loves the Only Hearts Club line of dolls. Just *see* if you can whore them up!
Are they going to be collectable some day, do you suppose?
I'm having a hard time deciding which one I would shag first. All on the same evening, of course. It's all about strategy, my friend, it's alllll about strategy.
Sorry for not responding to all your comments. I just got over the Worst Headache Ever. Thanks, everybody, for stopping by. Especially the new folks. :)
Let's hear it for the crack whores! Thanks for the shout out, Diesel baby. We'll have a little something special waiting for you next time. Y'know...in the back.
Bratz are banned from my house, much to my daughter's dismay. I really wouldn't be surprised if they did come out with something akin to this in the future. Crack Whore Barbie! HA!!
this was great! you're so funny. the only thing I'd add is a voice activation system, that makes them cough and speak with a rough smokes-5-packs-a-day dock worker voice. the future of toys r us is in your hands.