It is often said that there are no atheists in foxholes. This is undoubtedly true; what I find remarkable, however, is that there are no foxes in foxholes.Interlude: Two French soldiers huddle in a foxhole.
Pierre: Any news from the front?
Jean-Claude: No. All is quiet on the western front.
Pierre: Any news from the back?
Jean-Claude: Quiet there too.
Pierre: Do we have any more croissants?
Jean-Claude: Let me check.
Pierre: Well?
Jean-Claude: Sacre bleu!
Pierre: What is it?
Jean-Claude: Foxes! A whole den of cute little baby foxes feasting on our croissants!
In unison: We surrender!
This, of course, never happened. French soldiers are known to have surrendered to marmosets, chinchillas and, in a particularly embarrassing incident, a small bit of dryer lint, but never to foxes.
I suggest, due to the absence of both atheists and foxes, that from now on we refer to holes dug for protection against an enemy in wartime "God-holes." In addition to being more technically accurate, this new appellation would also give rise to a renaissance in the area of battle-scene dialog writing:
"Get your head out of your God-hole and get me some ammo!"I guess you could use that last one with "foxhole" too. Still, just once I'd like to see somebody in a war movie do that pretend stairs thing. That gets me every time.
"You call that a God-hole? I've seen 90 year old grandmothers with better God-holes than that."
"Sarge, have you seen Private Sandusky pretend to walk down the stairs into his God-hole? It's hilarious."
It was, coincidentally, a Frenchman who said that there is a "God shaped hole" in each of us. (It was either Pascal or Sartre. Google and I aren't sure which one, but either way, he's French. I'm pretty sure you could attribute the quote to either of them at a party and appear equally snobbish and effete.)
Now if there's one thing the French know about, it's their holes. I wonder, in fact, if maybe that "God-shaped hole" line was misinterpreted. French is a notoriously difficult language to translate into English, particularly for Americans who don't want to learn French. Perhaps Pascartes' statement was not an abstract philosophical expression but rather a very literal admonition to the French people to do what they do best: Run and hide in a hole.
In this light, Pascartes can be seen as advising his countrymen to find the nearest hole and hide in it until the trouble passes. What trouble? you ask. Well, the heaviness of being, for one thing, not to mention the whole problem of never being able to get that damn rock up the hill. Oh sure, maybe the danger is all in my head, but what do I have to lose by hiding indefinitely in a hole? Surely far less than if I were to risk being crushed by a large rock.
Wow, all this philosophizing is making me hungry. I feel like I've got a hole in me the size of a fox.
Labels: Language, Nonsense, Philosophy
| posted by Diesel at Wednesday, March 14, 2007 |
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The French military history took a turn for the worst when they put all their funding behind the creamy sauces bomb instead of atomic bomb research.
“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus”
- Blaise Pascal
Sorry, but the French get a pass from me on wartime stuff due to their contributions to world culture.
And I feel like I have a croissant the size of a Frenchman... ummm....
My favorite part was the surrender to the cute little baby foxes. I'm still laughing. Heh heh, that was just funny.
what I find remarkable, however, is that there are no foxes in foxholes.
This is simply not true. I wish you would check your facts before making such statements. One of the key battles in World War I was lost by the Americans after a group of foxes strayed into a foxhole, causing the Americans to hightail it out of there, right into the incoming fire of the ... er ... who was it we were fighting?
Anyway, it was the Battle of something or other. Very famous. And sad. War is hell.
I'm crazy like a god.
how do i say LOL in french...sheesh....4 years and top honors in french class and i have no idea...how pathetic...
maybe there were no foxes in the foxholes, but i heard some of those girls were kind of cute. still, as Dan says, war is hell, so maybe those guys were just desperate.
"Pascartes"? hah! now that's just plain funny. xox
Sir, we duel at dawn! Baguettes at ten paces...unless I forget and eat them, in which case we duel next week!
Sincerely,
Gerard Depardieu
I've seen 90 year old grandmothers with better God-holes than that.
That's just wrong, man. Very very wrong... Maybe it sounds better in French?
Haha! Pascartes indeed. All the French luminaries must be turning in their graves.
No foxes in foxholes? I hear French men are quite foxy.
Furiousball - Mmmmm, sauces.
Robin - Hmm. Balance Descartes, Sartre and Pascal against Haiti, Algeria, and Vietnam and they come out about even. Throw in Rousseau and the French lose.
Big Ear - I've heard that about guys with a big ear.
G - Well, now I know what makes you laugh. Excellent.
Dan - I'm surprised you didn't know the name of the battle. I believe it was the Battle of Our Dans.
Joel - The gods, after all, must be crazy.
Lime - It's ok, you have a certain I-don't-know-what.
Neva - It's my conflation of Descartes, Pascal, and Sartre. I guess it should be Pascartres. I tried to combine Rene DesCartes with Voltaire but the result was revolting.
Mssr. Depardieu - Your guts are astounding.
Glacial Spain - It's possible I mistranslated.
Lizza - Yes, but they smell like cheese and whine constantly.
Philosophers, bah! I was talking about the FOOD. Oh, and the art.
8-]
Lime - I think it's ROR.
You've got to take it easy on the French. They were traumatized by the big sharp shiny things hanging over their necks.
Robin - Ah. Then nevermind.
Goldennib - Um, weren't they the ones running the shiny things too?