Inspired by your comments on my bad hair posts, I put together a little treat for you: Diesel as Captain Picard on the bridge of the Enterprise! I made myself bald and grayed my hair a bit to seem more dignified and Picard-esque. The dark glasses require some explanation: In the picture of me that I was using, my eyes were squinted because I was in the sun (it's the same pic as my profile pic on the top right of this page). I tried to unsquint my eyes, but there's no unsquint feature in the version of Paint Shop Pro I use. So I said, "Screw it," and gave myself shades instead.
I couldn't decide on a caption to use for the pic, and that's when the idea hit me: Caption contest! Submit your caption in the comments by this Tuesday, and then I'll create a poll where you can vote on the best one. The winner will receive an autographed digital copy of this picture and perhaps some Cheetos I found in my couch.
If this isn't a complete disaster, I may make this a regular feature. Feel free to suggest movies/tv shows for me to show up in.
There is no intelligent life on humor-blogs.com.
I couldn't decide on a caption to use for the pic, and that's when the idea hit me: Caption contest! Submit your caption in the comments by this Tuesday, and then I'll create a poll where you can vote on the best one. The winner will receive an autographed digital copy of this picture and perhaps some Cheetos I found in my couch.
If this isn't a complete disaster, I may make this a regular feature. Feel free to suggest movies/tv shows for me to show up in.
There is no intelligent life on humor-blogs.com.
Labels: Caption Contest, Science Fiction, TV
| posted by Diesel at Friday, March 23, 2007 |
|
Leave a comment! |
Glad you cleared that up, the shades did seem to require some explanation.
OK, a caption...
hm, I shall think about it and return.
"Oh my, Mr. Data. You have such broad, muscular shoulders. Do you work out?"
LOL! Diesel! This is a brilliant idea! Oh, and your Photo Shop skills never cease to amaze me!
Here's my entry for the caption contest:
"Data: Why, Mr. Picard...is that a role of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"
Errr...that was weak. Sorry! My inappropriate card was much more impressive! LOL!
Are we only allowed one entry per person? What about:
"Damnit. I've got a serious case of the runs. How do I get out of this damn suit in time and not crap myself?" (as he leans on Data for support)
Judging by the semi-horrified look on Data's face and the satisfied look on yours, I'm gonna go with "Data, I just farted."
"But Captain, I thought LaForge was the blind one."
Caption -
"Sir. You are touching my 'special place' again. You know that makes me uncomfortable."
"Let me ask you something Data, do you think it's gay if you know let's say an male android and a certain captain made sweet love? I mean, you're not really a man technically?"
Cool picture..I would suggest you showing up as one of the castaways on LOST.
Caption: Date fears for his safety after Captain Picard morphs into an alien being.
"Let's retire to my Ready Room, dear Data, and 'engage.' Wear the Tribble costume; you know how it excites me."
The farting joke is taken. I'll have to think about this one.
Be right back.
God Data, your mother was fantastic last night! You do have a mother, right?
1. Data looked up at the captain wishing he knew how to quit him.
2. Counselor Troi angrily thought, Captain Picard turned me down for a scrap of metal?
"You know, sir, while I have been programmed in 1,213 known methods for pleasuring a woman, I have not been given anything that would make me of any use to a man. Therefore these gestures you make, such as removing your pants in the Ready Room, do not seem to be entirely logical."
Caption:
Captain, "There's nothing wrong with my eyes, Kirk. Go on, reach into my pants and pick up where you left off."
"I know the Borg installed these specs, but I think they make me look more bangable to Dr. Crusher."
"What do you say Lt. Commander Data? Care for some blow?"
"Data, I asked Number 2 to make number one on yours truly. He punched me and now I have to wear these sunglasses. Pee on your captain?"
"Do these glasses make me look like Q? He's such a trickster."
"Mr. Data, would you mind if I twisted your nipple?"
I really wanted to play ... until I read Burg's comment. I can't top that.
Data: "Captain Picard, why do you suddenly look like a light-skinned Samuel L. Jackson?"
data thinks to himself: It's so pitiful when captains go thru their rockstar phase.
You guys are killing me! I never knew my blog could be this funny. Keep 'em coming!
Ooops! Sorry Data. I just farted and it blew me off balance.
Man, am I ever hung over, and could someone please turn down these god forsaken lights!?
"DATE-uh! These glawsses are making everyone behind me appear blurry. I need you to turn around very slowly and tell me if Ensign Fowler is in fact staring at my awss or folding her arms to hide her nipples simply because it's so damn bloody cold in here. Also, depending on your awnsuh, have Numbuh One drop the ambient temprachuh to minus one Celsius."
Data: When is Starfleet Command going to quit sending us these Picard wannabes?
My caption would be:
"Captain Pi...Diesel?...You aren't here to inspect my mattress are you?"
"Captain, is this a come-on, or did you forget again that androids' genitalia are built into their shoulders?"
"Captain, I believe I am feeling... arousal. It is an intriguing sensation. And most distracting... "
(by the way, I think you look more like Vin Diesel than Picard with the bald head)
Since sex is making up the majority of these, I thought... why not take it in another direction.
Commander Data... that was some primo fatty boombalaty. Let's go to the holodeck and watch Bob Marley while scarfing down some Fritos and brownies and fuckin' some dirty ass hos.
BTW - you did that with PaintShop Pro? Pretty impressive, I would have thought it was photoshop.
*Maybe if I stand here long enough it shall appear I know what I'm doing.
*After a long night and one too many jello shots, Diesel took role-play too far.
*Data wonders just who called Billy Bob aboard the Enterprise. This has got to be a joke, right?
instead of all hands on deck, how about all hands on data?
Ooooh! I LOVE this. I mean seriously looooove this. It might become my wallpaper for a while. ^_^
OK, I'm thinking. I'll be back.
Look away Mr. Data. I'm hideous.
"Captain, I'm glad we evaded the Klingons for now, but I think it's premature to celebrate"
Data:
"Sir, I'm getting high readings of a foul smell in this vacinity. Did you...do something?"
I think it would be VERY cool if diesel provided a link to his photo so that everyone with the capapbility could create their own Diesel dolls in all types of situations. :0) I would put his head on Chris Daughtry's body. :0) YUMMY! Anyone have access to any naked Chris Daughtry pics?
Wow.
"Forward!" said the captain to his seeing eye Data.
This post has been removed by the author.
Data begins to suspect a hiccup in Picard's recovery from Borg integration, and resolves to inspect Seven of Nine's personal log at the first opportunity.
Captain Diesel: Data, do you like gladiator movies...
"Data, did I ever tell you about that time on Risa with me, Dr. Crusher, Troi, and naked Twister? It was crazy, man!"
I'm way too high to come up with a caption, but I love that you have a smirk and the other guy looks worried. It's like you're about to do something horrible...kinda like Dr. House :-) Oh, and I call him the other guy, 'cause I haven't watched Star Wars :-)
I'm sorry Captain, it is my evil brother Lor that takes it in the butt.
Mr. Data, have I ever shown you what the Borg left in my pants?
Captain, I don't think it would be propper to tell Lt. Worf his head looks like a hemohroid.
I've said make it so 5 times now and Counsoler Troi's shirt is still on.
I may not be Jame T Kirk, but I'll bet there is still a space slut out there that will do me.
Riker may be #1, but you will awaays be #2 to me. So as the doody, ahem, duty officer......
To boldly go where no sane man has ever captioned before
"Hm-m-m, he's harmless. Back in the 60's he was part of the Peace Movement at Berkeley. I think he did a little too much LDS."
"LDS?"
**Umm-huh, Captain Pickard trying to explain his weirdness as a result of LSD and confusing his 20th Century Earth history.**
Diesel,
OH...the pressure!
How about:
After the success of the Star Trek movies, Captain Picard began exhibiting "Diva-like" tendencies. The final straw was his insistence on wearing his shades on the bridge.
OR:
Captain Picard, when good plastic surgery goes BAD!
Sorry, that's all I have...it's been a long week!
"Data, you're in charge. I have to head to my night job fronting David Letterman's house band."
Wow, you did an awesome job with this picture.
*Doctor Evil's clever disguise couldn't fool the android, and trouble soon began.
*"With my new X-ray Specs I can clearly see Uranus."
"Data, my boy, have I ever told you what it feels like to be a real man? A man with needs...?"
Hmmm - never was a fan of Star Trek. How about (from Data, that's the pale guy, right?),"I've got your 'Engage' right here."
"OK, would someone please tell "Dracula" here what the punishment is for sitting in the Captain's seat."
yes data, i know lieutenant laforge's glasses are cooler than mine.
"Starfleet gave Elwood Blues a commission?"
Data: "Captain Diesel/Picard, I've got something coming in on my Gaydar™, you're reading off the charts."
as data looks at the captain, he his reminded of a song..."i will always love you".
No more coordinates, Data. We will baldly go where no man has gone before.
Oh my, let the hilarity ensue, can't compete, too busy LMAO!
Sorry, one more reference from the same movie:
"Data, I am not Diesel of The Mattress Police! I am Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard. See, it says it on my name tag."
Okay, one more:
Data: Surely there's something you can do?
Cpt Diesel: I am doing everything I can, and stop calling me Shirley!
Damn it, I can't stop myself, I've had too much to drink:
Data: Open an emergency hailing frequency? What is it?
Cpt Diesel: That's a method used to communicate with other ships during emergency situations, but that's not important right now.
Okay, I'll stop now. I need another beer.
"Captain D, are you wearing those shades because my skin is blinding you? Go on, you can tell me the truth...Are the others talking about me?"
Data: "Captain, I told you not to stare right into the energy field of the warp drive. I wish you'd listened to me!"
Picard: "It's not that, Data. I merely drank a wee bit too much Saurian Brandy at Counselor Troi's birthday celebration last night. Tell #1 to take over for a while. I need to have Dr. Crusher make me a hangover cure!"
"Data...about last night. I'll always be grateful but...it can't happen again."
"Steady on Data, I saw her first. It is a her isn't it?"
"Data, you have the con. I'll be in the can."
"Let's head for that galaxy! Imagine all the blogs where I can leave comments asking folks to come over here and play my caption contest!"
DIESEL! Get that bald head back over to my place for the Where's Mickey...I left you some hints in the comments. Swampy. :)
Have a great weekend.
I'm conceding to furiousball's comment. That's just too funny.
"Captain, I don't like you in that way."
Data turns white as a sheet as he suddenly realizes that that is NOT Captain Picard behind those Foster Grants.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this contest is a success. I'm going to have a hard time picking from these. You guys are hilarious. This is SO much easier than trying to come up with funny stuff myself.
Keep 'em coming!
Oh wait! I’ve seen this episode! This is the one where the Daktarians kidnap Captain Picard’s head to hold it for ransom so the crew would break the Prime Directive and share their replicator technology with them. And they replaced Picard’s head with one of their own alien heads for awhile. Whatever happened the guy who played that head? Anybody know?
Anyway, my caption.
Data: This is highly unusual, Captain. Our dilithium crystals have been replaced with Folgers Crystals, and our warp nacelles appear to be running on—DIESEL?!
"Oh, captain. I warned you that if you did it too much you'd go blind."
________
"I live my life a quarter lightyear at a time."
_________
"Chronicles of Riddick 2? ....sir, you can't be serious!"
I know I'm not a real starfleet captain, but I'm keeping the uniform anyway.
So android, are you anatomically correct? Because I am horny for some man hole lovin!
"We're like an old married couple, aren't we? Me staring at you longingly, and you, squinting away, dreaming of greener galaxies."
Stop!
Everybody stop, right now.
This is just "Tom Sawyer in the Twenty-Fourth Century," and we've ALL fallen for it!
("Diesel, you magnificent bastard. I read your book!")
Data worried observed that the stubble plus shades combination was a n obvious sign of Picard losing his discipline, if you know what I mean.
Ahem-yes, you heard correctly, Data- I am, sssssmokin'......now, carry on.
Capt Diesel: "Dude, have you seen my headblade?"
Androids should never be programmed to detect farts.
Bunk Strutts
"Is he smiling? My sensors tell me this is unusual behavior in the captain. He never smiles. Perhaps he made it so by himself. Is that what they mean by masturbation?"
Diesel, those comments are AWESOME!! I have no idea how I could top them, but if the god of humor comes to visit me today, I'll be sure to get my entry in. I love the idea!! Cheers!
"Diesel fit her -- hell, they'll fit you -- but I still say these glasses look better on me."
sorry, but a "Diesel" caption contest wouldn't seem right without at least one "Diesel Fitter" joke. sue me. xox
saw your caption competition mentioned over at Cindra's and Gawpo's. Came and had a look, saw 80 comments, went home.
Left over Cheeto's from your couch? Oh, such a prize! Since there's no way I could possibly win (and no way I'd want to), I'll just sit back and read the entries. I'm floored that so many people want the prize... And here I thought the folks who read my blog were deranged! Aside from you, Diesel, they're all beginning to look a little normal =)
Data: "... yes, Captain, I am fully functional."
OR!
Data:(thinking) One more condescending remark like that and I will be telling Worf that his love for you is returned.
"The crew have been complaining about your pasty whiteness Data. It's gotten to the point we can not look directly at you without shades. We've arranged several free tanning sessions at the tanning booth on deck four little buddy."
Unspoken love that can never be fully realized is a Bitch.
Replicated Chinese still gives me the runs. Too bad someone forgot to refill the TP. Mind if I use your uniform?
Data:
Look Captain, I know you think you look “super hot” after your ‘face-lift’, but No, I do not want to play “Space Invaders” again!
Captain:
Sorry Data, that wasn’t a request.
Right!
DATA: "Oh dear! The Zartruvian Ant fungus has attached itseld to the Captain's face!"
_________
CAPTAIN: Data, in exactly 2.7 minutes the Iocaine powder will have done its nasty work, and it will be just the two of us.
__________
CAPTAIN - Data! Take evasive action! My peril-sensitive sunglasses have just activated themselves!
___________
CAPTAIN - I know I blew your cyber-lover to smithereens, Data, but someday you'll understand and even thank me.
___________
CAPTAIN - Give me strength, Data. I know it's not polite to stare, but do you think Dr. Crusher is aware that her shower-cam is linked to the main viewscreen? Probably not. I'll go and alert her right away.
Turn the viewscreen off, Data. I'm not kidding.
___________
CAPTAIN - 12, Data. 12 Hornecian Flognarts to screw in a lightbulb. No. I didn't get it either.
____________
DATA - But the viewscreen IS turned on, Sir!
____________
You and Data make lovely wallpaper, by the way. ^_^
I know you're hurting now, Data, but in time I think you'll agree we just don't make sense as a couple.
Just remember I knew you when, you little pisher!
Actually that's my comment to you but you can consider it as a caption as well.
Data, I want to boldly go where no man has gone before within you.
Ok. In my book, the Candacian barrage wins! Some of those were genius.
"Dude, don't look now, but that blue chick with the sweet rack behind you is TOTALLY scoping your ass. See if you can talk her into another one of our outer space gangbangs. Those Earth chicks love them some alien genitals, YOU KONW WHAT I'm SAYING?!?!" *nudge*
"Yes, there Is a little throw up in my mouth"
Captain:
"Data, take a look...can you tell I'm not wearing any underwear?"
"You know what they found in the Captain's toilet Data? Captain's log!"
Data says... Ahhh I finally understand what u mean about Captain's Log... As it's poking me in the ribbs !!
Is it Tuesday yet?
oh my goodness... I've been out of cyberspace for a while and come back to this... what a riot, I am on the floor in hysterics.
glad you decided to go for the Jean-Luc look and now for a caption captain
J-L P: Data I want you to go where no man has gone before. Make it so. Engage.
-step aside mr.data, i'm going to engage the kirk-maneuver on this alien hottie!
-aye-aye, mon capiten!