I almost scrapped this pic, because I'm afraid of what y'all are going to do with it. But laziness won out over caution and respectability, so here we are. Just keep in mind that originality is a factor, so if you notice a lot of people submitting captions with the same [ahem] theme, you might want to go the other way, so to speak. And again, let's try to keep this in the PG-13 range; my mom reads this blog.
A couple other changes this week, in addition to the oddly suggestive photo. First, some of you who submit multiple captions have accused me of not selecting your best caption for the finalists. So this week I'm going to have Mrs. Diesel do the selecting. And she's going to do it blind: I'll read her the captions and she will select her favorites. If there are duplicates from the same submitter, I'll make her pick one of them.
Second, others have accused me of doing these caption contests because I'm too lazy to come up with my own content. So how's this for lazy: After the submission deadline, I'm going to submit at least 10 captions for the photo myself, and throw them into the mix. Mrs. Diesel won't know which ones are mine, so I'll be competing along with y'all. Except, of course, that I'm at a disadvantage because I don't get to submit my captions until all the obvious ones are taken. The odds are heavily against me winning, but if I do win then you all have to give me your souls. Fair's fair.
Ok, so here's the photo. You know the drill. Submit your caption in the comments by this Tuesday at 9pm PDT. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Wednesday. The winner, as usual, gets a signed digital copy of the photo. Unless it's me, in which case I get that plus your souls.
Humor-blogs.com was bitten by a radioactive border collie and now it dreams about chasing birds all night.
A couple other changes this week, in addition to the oddly suggestive photo. First, some of you who submit multiple captions have accused me of not selecting your best caption for the finalists. So this week I'm going to have Mrs. Diesel do the selecting. And she's going to do it blind: I'll read her the captions and she will select her favorites. If there are duplicates from the same submitter, I'll make her pick one of them.
Second, others have accused me of doing these caption contests because I'm too lazy to come up with my own content. So how's this for lazy: After the submission deadline, I'm going to submit at least 10 captions for the photo myself, and throw them into the mix. Mrs. Diesel won't know which ones are mine, so I'll be competing along with y'all. Except, of course, that I'm at a disadvantage because I don't get to submit my captions until all the obvious ones are taken. The odds are heavily against me winning, but if I do win then you all have to give me your souls. Fair's fair.
Ok, so here's the photo. You know the drill. Submit your caption in the comments by this Tuesday at 9pm PDT. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Wednesday. The winner, as usual, gets a signed digital copy of the photo. Unless it's me, in which case I get that plus your souls.
Humor-blogs.com was bitten by a radioactive border collie and now it dreams about chasing birds all night.
Labels: Caption Contest, Movies, Superheroes
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"Take it back, BITCH! The clerk at LensCrafters said they make me look swarthy!"
as an aside, Diesel, I want to know how to make one of those fancy boxes people use over at the HB. You know, fancy boxes.
Oh Spiderman, your head is sooo soft, what moisturising cream do you use?
1. Eew man, you have lice. Wait, can spiders have lice?
2. Let me read your mind...yes, it is coming to me now...I sense a craving for sauteed flies on a bed of ratatouille.
"I shoot so much farther when you rub my head, diesel!"
Diesel: "Now, boy, squeeeeeel like a...a..spider!"
Well, I can't believe this hasn't been done yet:
"Wow! That's not just my Spidey Sense that is tingling!"
Also, it wasn't an "accusation", friend. Different preferences for different folks, and all that. It's understandable. Though I do like the idea of you being able to participate in your own contest.
Ok, I'm officially glad that I went with this pic. I've lol'd at several of these, as the kids say.
Joel - No worries. But my wife liked your other caption better too, so I figured maybe she's a better judge. My brain really shouldn't be used as a standard for anything.
Also, there's a really obvious one that y'all are missing. I suppose it's too much to hope for that no on will get it before Wednesday....
"Spider man,
Spider man,
Does whatever a spider can.
Carries Diesel
Through the air
There must be more than friendship there.
Lookout! Here comes the Spiderman!"
Spidey: "And I thought Doc Ock's hands were everywhere."
1. Diesel: Hey, I'm the real Spiderman, now take off that costume you impostor!
2. Diesel's Super Ego to Diesel's Ego: Oh, will you just quit thinking you're a superhero!
...and with one fateful, lusty grope, Diesel was asked never to return to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum.
The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came Diesel and took the spider out.
Peter Parker Porked a Pack of Perky Peckers... (including this guy's, ol' Whatsis Name)
"I'm the king of the world!!"
Interestingly enough, this is what happens in Spidey's AND Diesel's dreams after they've had a little too much Mary Jane.
Mrs. Diesel hates spiders, so you're dead buddy! (why is it always the guy who has to kill the spider?)
The creators of the hit cartoon "Spiderman and his Amazing Friends" had their latest idea rejected: "Spiderman and his Incredibly Lame Friends"
I'm so happy you took my advice and went with the snapless crotch outfit today!
When I'm done with you, your backside will look like the Japanese flag!
"... and here I always thought you spelled 'Goblin' with two b's."
"It's OK, sweetie. They can grow your hair back. Look how well it worked on me."
I told you you need to have better posture if you want to be a superhero!
"Fasten your seatbelt. It's going to be a bumpy ride."
I always had a thing for redheads...
Someday you'll come out of the closet and we can remove this mask.
Have I triggered your spidey senses yet?
When you woke up this morning, did you ever think you'd have a metal cock up your ass?
SPIDERMAN OUT OF CLOSET: Gay Community Cheers New Role-Model/Mary Jane Heartbroken
1. Hey, Spidey, your fly's open. Made you look!
2. Oh Spidey, you're so hot it makes my head spin.
Diesel: "Look, I am tired of giving you the Heimlich maneuver. You are name Spiderman because you ACT LIKE a Spider, not because you try to EAT them."
*named
This will teach you to lay eggs in my ear!
Spiderman: Is that a canoe in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
You've met your match spidey..They call me the cornholer!
Diesel: I can teach you how to really surf the web.
Diesel: I'll teach you not to climb into my wife's bedroom!
LOL, that is hillarious.
"Follow that bird!"
NOOGIE!!!
oh my stars....i guffawed. there is nothign i could come up with that could begin to compete with the ones already here.
Diesel: Hey, I know seeing Arachnophobia on our first date wasn't such a hot idea, but you didn't have to run away like that.
It turned out to be a good thing, actually, that Chiropractoman attacked. Spiderman's fifth lumbar had been irking him all week.
Just another day of fun fun fun at www.Spidey.com.
Spiderman to Diesel- "Quit, I don't need a face pull to make my eyes any pointier"
I think it is tacky that people are accusing you of things. ~grins~ aren't I a good sucker upper??
Diesel staring in *Brokeback Building*
Hahahahaha - this is a great picture! No caption, just laughter.
Diesel -- "Could you sit still, I'm trying to read the tag - wash with like colors...size XS..."
"Mattress Police: Taking the Grace out of Topher."
Or is he putting it back in? Hard to say...
Get it? Hard?
Diesel "Okay, okay, your turn -- get on my back."
Did you just web?
1. Diesel: Let's see who's web is bigger, yours or mine? I have to warn you mine's called the World Wide Web.
2. Diesel: Daahling, this suit is just so last-season!
3. I've got your glasses, Peter Parker, and now I'll just take your suit too.
Diesel: Spidey, love the new outfit. Give me some of that web action.
Diesel: Spidey, I love you, so much. I always have
1. Stop squirming. It's ribbed for your pleasure.
2. You're going to have to wait until I take off my mask to pull my hair.
3. Oww! Oww! You're pinching me! Lean forward!
Just take me back to Forest Hills so I can regenerate. Please just show me the way. Please....
OMG! Diesel! It's Man! Spider-MAN. Not Spider-lady! Man!
Can you please stop trying to hump me now Diesel? Pleeeeeassss!
Green Goblin: "Boy this new Spiderman ride is awesome!"
OR
Spidey: "Egads, where's your mask man?!"
Diesel: You're It!
(This actually came from my daughter, so I can't take credit for it.)
Spidey: Get your paws off my head!! Or I'll just web you...
Diesel: Make my day!
Diesel -- "Yeah, definitely white flakes, I use Head and Shoulders, you should try it --only 1.99 at the corner drug."
Diesel--"If you don't put me in Spider-Man IV I'll write about you in my blog!
Okay, that was bad. I give up.
"Damn it, Spidey, you're gonna read my blog, even if I have to hold you down in a vaguely homo-erotic position!"
-Some Dude
"I´ve got your back, Spidey!"
Ok, being your conjoined twin has never been a picnic in the past, but this is going TOO far!
Spidey: Yeah, you're right, Diesel. Adding dreadlocks to the suit is definitely a bad idea. Thanks for your help.
"We´ve been over this...I need to be facing the other way! *turns aorund* You´re not Catwoman! Get back to the web you came from!"
Diesel filled out his Spiderman tube sock better than anyone. Truly, he was "gifted".
Spidey to Diesel;Brokeback got us good, don't it?
Diesel to Spidey;There ain't no reins on this one.
Spidey;So... What do you do Diesel Del Mar?
Diesel; Earlier today I was castrating calves.
Joe Aguirre:You boys sure found a way to make the time pass up there. Diesel, you guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose.
Bottom line is... we're around each other an'... this thing, it grabs hold of us again... at the wrong place... at the wrong time... and we're dead.
how about a musical?
Spidey sings: (ala Pat Benatar) "Hit me with your best shot! Why dontcha hit me with your best shot!"
Diesel sings: (ala Led Zep) "I wanna be your backdoor man...."
Hey Spidey, that outfit you're wearing is tighter than a gnats behind stretched over an oil drum!
Spidey, would you try on the tights I bought for my wife? I need to see if Diesel fit her... ; )
(i think i can do better, but for now, that'll have to do)
"Dammit!" a regretful Spidey thinks. "You lie down with blogs, you wake up with Dies!"
Hey, Spidey! Do you know what this is? IT'S A BRAIN SUCKER! Do you know what it's doing? IT'S STARVING! Hahahaha! Oh grow up; it's just a joke.
"You know how I like it Diesel"
"And then Triple H got him in this wicked half-nelson, and... dangit Spiderman, you should really get Pay-Per-View."
Spider-man to Diesel:
"Don't let the spandex tights fool you...I don't swing that way."
LolPossum nose wear you is.
Here goes -
"Oh what a tangled web we weave..."
Wow, that suit is really nice. What is it, pleather? I love pleather!
Diesel to Spider-man:
"If you have a few moments, I'd like to talk to you about life insurance."
Driving Spidey to Cleveland.
1. Ever since Diesel got his first set of Spiderman Underoos, he has been obsessed with the superhero. Unfortunately, his obsession finally pushed him over the edge.
2. Diesel: Whoa, this is weird, I usually dream about Catgirl - must be something I ate last night.
3. Diesel: So you can stick to walls, big deal! I have Super Glue, I can do that too.
4. When I went to Rekall for that memory implant, this was not what I asked for.
5. Spidey: Get off my back Diesel! Climbing walls is hard enough without your dead weight.
6. Diesel: Radioactive spider, my ass! I know you're just a poser with a fancy suit and some Super Glue.
7. Diesel: Cross-dressing is one thing, but cross-species-dressing, now that's just plain sick.
8. Diesel: You've spun your web, now lie in it!
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Caption 1)
Spidey: Damn it, Diesel! I told you not to do that while I'm working!!!
Caption 2)
Diesel: For some reason, dry humping always feels better in mid-air...
Caption 3)
Diesel: I swear, Spidey...if we do this, we can morph into a super super hero!
Caption 4)
Diesel: Trust me! This will make your Spidey senses even keener!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!
The producers of the Spider-man franchise couldn't find Richard Pryor to help ruin Spider-Man IV: The Quest for Peace. So they hired Diesel instead.
whoa... don't look now, but i'm thinkin' G just handed you another winner. that said, this week's gonna be tough, because, really, you've got a lot of great captions from which to choose!
we lovelovelove when that happens. ; ) xox
OK, I will gladly take credit for provoking you into writing some captions, SCORE!
However, I would like to point out that at the time I posted that comment about hosting contests so the readers do all the work I was also hosting a contest so ya know, it was only partially designed to accuse you
:p
"Are you sure it's in?"
Diesel: Come on Spidey, lighten up. Don't get your web in a bundle.
oooh oooooh ooooooh oooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Diesel shows his student that the Webmaster still has a trick or two up his, er, sleeve.
"The Joy of Spider Sex!" or "Spidey Kama Sutra"
Oh my gawd! Things I didn't need to know!
check this out!
http://pharyngula.org/index/weblog/comments/spider_kama_sutra/
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2006/03/spider_kama_sutra.php
Diesel: All I have to do is push this button here, and then it's "Go, Bunny, Go!"
"Okay, next time we hit the trampoline, tuck your knees and then extend to a pike for the Double Gaiter With a Half Twist.
You know how President Bush clapped and clapped when he first saw you perform it with Batman back on the ranch that time? And here he is tonight, looking a little down, needing a pick-me-up like nobody's business.
We tumble for the president's pleasure. Now clench it, Spidey!"
"Now *this* is what I call 'surfing the Web'!"
Say it! Say my name, bitch!
Look Spidey, I'd better get over a hundred comments on this post, or you're a dead man, er, I mean, arachnid.
Diesel: I have a website, and I'm not afraid to use it!
(Diesel, you did it again - 100 comments!)
see spidey, it's a brain sucker...and it's starving!
Great captions, everybody. There is some serious competition once again.
The Drive-By Blogger stole mine, btw. Guess I'll have to come up with another one.
Keep 'em coming! You have until Monday night. I know I said Tuesday, but I'm an idiot. I have to post the poll on Tuesday.
Spiderman: ribbed for Diesel's pleasure.
"When I'm done with you Spiderman the only thing you will want to do is take a crying game shower!"
I'm SICK of being the goblin. Next time I get to wear the Spidey costume. I look more like Tobey Maguire, anyway.
I saw your comment at Dan's, couldn't stop LOLing (not that I thought you'd be lying ;-) and had to come by.
I'd try for the caption contest but no way could I do a PG13 one.
:-D
nugie nugie nugie!!
1. Diesel: Freeze! My superpower is shooting Raid out of my fingers.
2. Diesel: You have the right to remain silent. Any web you make can and will be used against you...
3. Diesel: Psst, Spidey......I've got some great land for sale in Florida...and ya know what? Because there's no house yet, ya don't need to think about insurance yet...and there's some great flies over there too.
5. Spiderman: Please, don't fumigate me!
6. Diesel: I've seen some big spiders around here, but this one takes the cake!
Diesel: (to Spiderman, demonstrating) "And then I told him, 'I don't care if this IS prison, a man's just GOT to keep some dignity.' He finally let go and we discussed how we could make shivs. I just don't know, Spidey, I could've sworn we had something by the way he held me. *sigh* How bout' you? How's that Dunst treating you?"
"Diesel, that's not how you perform the Heimlick!"
Okay, I don't have time to read all the added comments -- so don't know if I'm robbing this one -- who am I kidding it's not good enough to rob.
Anyway
Diesel "The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout.."
I think theresa should win for the most submissions!
Diesel
"I can't understand a word you're saying with that mask on -- let's take it off."
As he squeezed Spiderman around the middle, Diesel learned the horrible truth: Spidey had eaten a big bowl of chili for lunch.
Spidey: This girl's finished.
Diesel: What girl?
Spidey: Me, stupid!
(sadly, this is a line of dialogue lifted from "Kiss of the Spider Woman". still... i think it works)
" Say it.....you know you want to...I am a leotard wearing, web knitting, constant whining BITCH!"
OR
"What did you say about my mamma?"
LOL! Queen of the Mayhem's quotes are too funny!!
Okay, how about one last feeble attempt at a caption from moi:
Spidey to Diesel: "Ohhh...It's just not the same as when I'm with MJ!" *sigh*
"And if I press right here, POW! The arms fly out!"
Sadly, Diesel's dream of a web development partnership ended with an unexpected crash on Wall Street.
"Let me tell you, Spidey sense is no substitute for fashion sense. These tights are so last year!"
"See, you pull back like this and candy comes out of the neck."
"Goodness, you're carrying a lot of tension in your upper back."
"Dammit, no matter how I adjust your head I can't get the lighting to match my face."
"Hey Spidey, am I bugging you? Get it, 'bug'? Hey Spidey, pull my finger."
And just like that, he was no longer a Spider-Boy. He had become a Spider-Man.
It was only when Diesel looked down that he realized how badly his roleplaying with Mrs. Diesel had gotten out of hand.
"Hey Spidey, remember when you said that from way up here I looked like a tiny little bug and you just wanted to wrap me up in a web and suck my guts out? Where are we going, by the way?"
"Hey, is that hair gel? Oh, ewwwww."
"Giddyup, Seabiscuit!"
"It gives us the ring, nasty hobbitssssss!"
"Diesel, is that a pumpkin bomb or are you just happy to see me?"
"Look at me, I'm the scary black costume trying to take your soul!