At the urging of certain of my more enthusiastic fans, I've started consolidating some of my better writings into a collection tentatively titled Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police. Believe it or not, in the eight months since I started this blog I've written over 250 pages of semi-coherent drivel. When I realized just how much I had written, I exclaimed to my wife, "I could make this into a book!"
And she beheld me with a look of pride and admiration and responded, "Not a very good book."
To be fair, she thought I meant a novel, and it's true that a novel based on this blog would make about as much sense as Gravity's Rainbow.
When I explained to her that it would be just a random collection of humorous essays, she warmed to the idea.
"Why would anyone buy it if they can just read your blog?" she asked.
Why indeed? I mean, don't get me wrong. The book wouldn't just be a hard copy version of this blog. I'd pick and choose from the better posts, organize them, expand some of them and pare down others, and I'd write some new material as well -- but the book would still be mostly recycled material. For example, I'd include Harry Potter and the Slide Into Satanism, The Force is Middling in this One, WTF? and all your other classic favorites. So my question to you is, would you buy such a book? Don't worry about offending me; I chafe at the thought of paying more than $6 for a book by Hemingway or Twain, and they're like famous and stuff. I'd just like to have some indication, before I get too far on this project, how many of you might actually be interested in buying it. I'm figuring it will be around 180 pages and cost about $12-14 in paperback (I'm assuming at this point that I'll self-publish it, but I may shop it around a bit first).
For that matter, what if I wrote a book that was in the same vein as the stuff I write here, but it was all original content? Or if it was 50/50? Or let's say that I've also been working on a novel about an angel who is supposed to be helping out with the apocalypse but feels that he has better things to do. Should I, theoretically, focus on that instead?
I'm easy, just tell me what I can do to make you pay me for something I write. So that I don't have to get a job.
Anyway, post a comment or send me an email with your thoughts. Something for you to think about while I'm away on vacation this week.
In other news, I've posted the reviews of Florid Organum Straight from the South Side, Dan's Blah Blah Blog, and Copacetic City at the humor-blogs.com review blog. Enjoy!
See you in a week or so!
Diesel out.
I've got two tickets to humor-blogs.com. Because we've waited so long. Waited so long.
And she beheld me with a look of pride and admiration and responded, "Not a very good book."To be fair, she thought I meant a novel, and it's true that a novel based on this blog would make about as much sense as Gravity's Rainbow.
When I explained to her that it would be just a random collection of humorous essays, she warmed to the idea.
"Why would anyone buy it if they can just read your blog?" she asked.
Why indeed? I mean, don't get me wrong. The book wouldn't just be a hard copy version of this blog. I'd pick and choose from the better posts, organize them, expand some of them and pare down others, and I'd write some new material as well -- but the book would still be mostly recycled material. For example, I'd include Harry Potter and the Slide Into Satanism, The Force is Middling in this One, WTF? and all your other classic favorites. So my question to you is, would you buy such a book? Don't worry about offending me; I chafe at the thought of paying more than $6 for a book by Hemingway or Twain, and they're like famous and stuff. I'd just like to have some indication, before I get too far on this project, how many of you might actually be interested in buying it. I'm figuring it will be around 180 pages and cost about $12-14 in paperback (I'm assuming at this point that I'll self-publish it, but I may shop it around a bit first).
For that matter, what if I wrote a book that was in the same vein as the stuff I write here, but it was all original content? Or if it was 50/50? Or let's say that I've also been working on a novel about an angel who is supposed to be helping out with the apocalypse but feels that he has better things to do. Should I, theoretically, focus on that instead?
I'm easy, just tell me what I can do to make you pay me for something I write. So that I don't have to get a job.
Anyway, post a comment or send me an email with your thoughts. Something for you to think about while I'm away on vacation this week.
In other news, I've posted the reviews of Florid Organum Straight from the South Side, Dan's Blah Blah Blog, and Copacetic City at the humor-blogs.com review blog. Enjoy!
See you in a week or so!
Diesel out.
I've got two tickets to humor-blogs.com. Because we've waited so long. Waited so long.
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After I read the book Bitter Is The New Black, I so wanted to turn my blog into a book, however; I realized that I am just not that great of a writer, or am I creative! I would read your book, but wouldn't pay more than $10. I think you should make sure there are funny pictures with everthing b/c that would make me want to buy it more!
Considering that a primary complaint I have about Mattress Police is that I can't read it while lying on my mattress, I think I'd buy a book. Probably a couple of copies to give as gifts to my friends, as well. Some old/some new would be cool, but be careful if you leave out any old.
Price point? Hard to say. Maybe a discount if you buy three??
not only will i buy this book -- i'll help bankroll it, if that's what it takes to get you to stop working on that fountain and back behind a desk, working with a fountain pen. well, not so much a fountain pen, as your computer, but that's beside the point.
the point, which i'm finding out as i type, is that, yes. you need to write a book. period. but not a book about periods, because that would be boring. unless you slipped in a few exclamation marks, and a colon or two. and you certainly can't write about the other kind of "period", because that might be a little "eww" coming from you.
um. so there. Bob's yer uncle, I'm yer Crazy Aunt, and you need to get on with your vacation -- pretty sure your book will be here, when you get back. and so will we. ; ) xox
have you tried lulu.com in regards to self publishing?
is this like asking "would you buy a used car from this man?"
God, you make me laugh.
"Just tell me what I can do to make you pay me for something I write..."
Hell, I'll buy a book you write - I'll buy several and give them as gifts with a note attached - "This guy is one of the reasons I love blogging!"
Sure I'd buy it.
If you include caption contests, do the top three get book royalites?!?
We toss this idea around all the time, a "best of the blogs" book. The only time I don't find you entertaining is when you're satirizing Star Wars or whatever because I have no frame of reference...that isn't your fault. While I'd be most interested in a book about an angel et al...I'd buy your blog book to get you to write the other one.
I'll wait for it to come to my library and then check it out.
JUST KIDDING!
Yeah, I'd buy it, but I won't have to because you're going to send it to all your faithful readers for free as a thank you. Remember?
You know I'd buy it, I already told you I'm waiting for your book to come out. 50/50 sounds good, but the angel and the apocalypse sounds interesting too, now which should I choose? Actually, the angel thing sounds a bit like Terry Prachett's books about Death, have you read any of those? Try reading Mort, I think you'll like it. So, anyway, do both the blog book and the angel book, I'll get them both as any loyal Adjutant Inspector would.
Well, hell. Theresa had to throw in that "loyal Adjutant Inspector" crap so now I guess I'm obligated to buy one. Hey, can we comment on the book? That might make it worthwhile.
Oh, and as a follow-up to what neva wrote, you can't do any posts on the other kind of "colon", either. Or "semicolon".
OK, OK. I'd buy the book. If it was available in 12 easy-to-pay monthly installments of not more than $1.49 each.
I'd put it on my Christmas Begging List and get someone else to buy it. :D
But, alas, if I don't get it as a present, then I'll use a gift card to buy it.
I will if you buy my software.
Yah, I like the concept, but I wouldn't pay for it.
Will it be available at my local library?
Can I borrow your copy?
Only if it has the extras like Diesel flubbing up on a post. How about a behind the scenes look at the creation of the post? How about some editorial comment from Mrs. Diesel as a post is being created? Can we get it in 7 languages like my cell phone manual? These are important details!!!
I think you should consider doing an e-book that people can download, then you could charge like $4.99 for say 60 pages. There'd be no overhead except your writing which you already do anyway and then you could do several volumes to keep the interest going. But it would need to be original essays, but they could be on topics you already covered.
The first thought I had when I read this post was, 'What great gifts!'. I would absolutely buy a copy, as well as a couple more for friends who would truly appreciate the content, in the way it should be!
I would buy it, but only if Mrs. Diesel gets to write at least a 20 page "tell all" chapter on your crazy arse! LOL!
I'd buy one of your books containing all original content. Speaking of which, I just sent you a book offer =)
If Gravity's Rainbow was my litmus, I would jump from a bridge.
Great idea, though!
Hmmm...maybe. it would be good to have a lot of original material plus your blog classics.
Of course I would buy your book, silly goose!
Count me in! I know some people whose VCR (yep, VCR) still blinks 12:00, 12:00 12:00, so they don't do the computer thing either, but they'd enjoy our essays, so I'd get them a copy.
I would buy it on Half.com!!!!
Have I told you how much I love that site?
You would do well there! :0)
I would buy it simply because you're just too damned funny and I'm a librophiliac anyway. $12 is a little steep, but for a friend I'd shell it out.
And I realize you've told me about it before, but as for your novel idea, you might want to take a quick look at "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.
I just thought of that.
you can write?? who knew?considering all the other mindless drivel I've paid my wife's hard earned money, for sure I'd buy that book. It would be like internet in the bathroom, but it would be better if it had a secret decoder ring included.
I might buy it if you let Glacial Spike write a chapter about you.
Skul
I will totally read your book, as long as the picture-to-words ratio is no different than my favourite piece of classic literature, Us Weekly.
I thought about this and it always came back to, "I can read all your stuff for the price of an Internet connection" and then thought, "Well, it would be a good conversation starter."
"Howard, what the hell is this brown bag book you have?" "Why, let me tell you!"
And then I thought -- "Wouldn't it be cool to have on my coffee table and then visitors would pick it up and ask about it and then I say, 'It's a collection of blog postings from this really funny blogger. Do you have a blog? No? Well, then let me tell you about mine in gross detail, shall I?'"
So I say go for it!
I don´t know if I would buy the book if I found it in a store browsing. Knowing teh author actually helps, and if I could get my hands on it I would buy it without hesitation. The fact that youa re an online blogger helps in taht regard, because you already have quite a bit of exposure ;)
I like teh idea of teh fallen angel, not really bothered to help out with saving the world from distruction...very much!
I'm enjoying the frankness of these comments a great deal.
Were I someone who buys books, I would consider buying yours, as I very much think you're immensely funny and a very talented writer. But we have an eat food/go to college vibe going on here at the house, so we don't much shell out on books.
You're one hell of a good self-promoter, too (you manage to push your self and interests without people noticing or getting annoyed, and truly, I believe that's a huge gift you have), so I'll be you could think of ways to sell some copies.
I want to say YES I'd buy the book in a heartbeat...but being as cheap...er...frugal as I am, I proably wouldn't. I just don't buy books until I realized I love it so much that I get mad at the library for making me give it back.
Magazines on the other hand....I have a weakness and will snap them up...especially since Costco started selling them for 30% off. Maybe you should consider a magazine? :)
Only if you autographed it.
My weakness is books. I buy them all the time, what's one more?
I kid. I luv you man, of course I'd buy your book! You are very funny and I actually think you should team up with Jocelyn. The two of you knock me out.
You could just make copies and staple them together and try to sell them door-to-door. That's what we did with our newspaper when i was 10.
We haven't read a lot of what you write but we'd buy it just for the cover! We like that cover. Now put a lot of pictures and illustrations in the book and make short chapters, should sell like tuna.
Karl and Anastasia
Go for it, my friend, I'd buy it!
Even if people could just read your blog online, I'm certain there would be an interest in purchasing a book. I mean, though the internet is great, sometimes there's nothing like the tangible feel of having that book in your hands and being able to flip through those pages.
I'd buy a book if you ever write one. Does this mean I'm a total sucker??? ;)
Hugs,
C
PS: Mrs. Diesel is hilarious. I think she should write a book! ;)
i would buy a book by you. but not of your blog posts. something original.
as long as you autograph it, i'll buy it. :)
Dude - did you get approval for taking a break here?
hey! shouldn't you be BACK from you so-called "vacation" by now?
Thanks for your feedback, everybody! I appreciate your encouragement and honesty. I think I'll go ahead with the compilation book, but I'm working on some original stuff too. I've made some more progress on the novel (yes, I was serious about that), and I've got some other ideas rattling around too.
I'll see if I can bring the price down a little -- If I self-publish it, the price will be largely dependent on how many copies I publish. Hopefully I can include some illustrations without jacking up the price too much.
I'm flying back tomorrow, so I should be back with a new post sometime tomorrow. Thanks again!
that's more like it. ; )
Oh man!!!!! *in very whiny tone*
I hope I get to read your post before I leave for my vacation. I'M FAMISHED OVER HERE!!!! I leave on Friday; Hopefully you'll put one out before that! :0)
I'm sure you'll have a great post about your vacation, if not, at least about the flight and traveling with 2 children. :0)
Well have a safe trip!
Heh. I just read today about a very inexpensive way to get your book illustrated. You just need to cultivate the right pen pal:
http://www.startribune.com/332/story/1238936.html
Isn't this damn vacation week over yet????
I'd buy it used off of amazon for lik $1.50 then get angry that the shipping is more than the book...that may cause me to cancel my order but as soon as it hits the used book store around here, I'm on it!
Sorry, I've been out in the real world which didn't allow for many detours in blogland of late.
Not only would I buy this book, I'd buy two and give one as a gift. To answer or speak to your questions - I think your humorous views and caustic wit are what bring me back to read what you have to say. So staying true to your voice and casting the net from there. Don't think that's very helpful but my initial reaction to your question.
Okay, I have a thought for you. I'm sure you have heard of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. The concept behind that book is brilliant! Two guys COLLECTED inspirational stories from all over and COMPILED them into a book. That's it. They didn't have to write anything. And they are making BANK.
So...perhaps a book idea for you would be to collect funny blogs from all over, compile them into a book, include lots of your own favorites, then sell. Since people will be submitting their own blogs, they will probably be interested in the book - perhaps even promote it to their friends as well.
Just another idea to think about.