God spoke to me today.
Well, He didn't literally speak. He sent one of His divine messengers to do the speaking. I was sitting on the porch with my laptop when she approached. "Can I leave one of these here?" she said. I was tempted to pretend that I didn't hear her angelic inquiry over the sound of Incubus blaring in my earbuds, but I broke down and made eye contact. "Sure," I said. She left a flier on my porch and bid me good day, in that slightly off-putting way that divine messengers have.
After she drove off in her heavenly Buick Skylark, I snatched up the flier. "FOLLOW THE CHRIST!" it yelled in 48 point Times New Roman. At first I was skeptical. Can you imagine following the Christ? I might be willing to open for Him, but follow Him? Even John the Baptist knew better than to follow the Christ. He was all like, "Thanks a lot folks, you've been great. Don't forget to tip your waitresses. Now here's the guy you've been waiting for, the Christ!"
But upon closer examination, the flier wasn't at all what I thought it was. I ran inside and showed it to my wife.
"Look at this," I said. She read the headline, and then her eyes fell to the illustration of a well groomed European gentleman whose smiling visage filled most of the page.
"Hey," she said. "Isn't that...?"
"I think so," I said.
"The similarity..." she said. "This can't be a coincidence."
"No, it can't. There's no other explanation."
"So...."
"That's right," I said. "Peter Petrelli from ABC's hit TV show Heroes is the long-awaited Messiah!"
A closer look at Peter, highlighting the facial characteristics suggestive of deity:
He's tall, handsome, charismatic... everything you could ever want in a savior. And he can fly and absorb other heroes' powers, just like in the Bible. What more evidence could you need?
Man, I would love to hang around with Messiah Peter Petrelli. We'd vanquish evildoers, play touch football, hit all the trendy clubs....
Ah, who am I kidding? Messiah Peter Petrelli is way too cool for the likes of me. Chicks would be swarming all over him, and people would be taking his picture, and I'm sure he'd be cool about it but it would always be, "Hey, Diesel, just one more autograph, ok? Then I can save you from your sins and we can go do karaoke." But hours later, I'd be drowning my sorrows alone in a bar, racking up sin after sin as I mangled the lyrics of STP's Interstate Love Song.
Nah, I think I'm going to stick with the swarthy little Jewish dude. He's more my speed.
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
Well, He didn't literally speak. He sent one of His divine messengers to do the speaking. I was sitting on the porch with my laptop when she approached. "Can I leave one of these here?" she said. I was tempted to pretend that I didn't hear her angelic inquiry over the sound of Incubus blaring in my earbuds, but I broke down and made eye contact. "Sure," I said. She left a flier on my porch and bid me good day, in that slightly off-putting way that divine messengers have.
After she drove off in her heavenly Buick Skylark, I snatched up the flier. "FOLLOW THE CHRIST!" it yelled in 48 point Times New Roman. At first I was skeptical. Can you imagine following the Christ? I might be willing to open for Him, but follow Him? Even John the Baptist knew better than to follow the Christ. He was all like, "Thanks a lot folks, you've been great. Don't forget to tip your waitresses. Now here's the guy you've been waiting for, the Christ!"
But upon closer examination, the flier wasn't at all what I thought it was. I ran inside and showed it to my wife.
"Look at this," I said. She read the headline, and then her eyes fell to the illustration of a well groomed European gentleman whose smiling visage filled most of the page.
"Hey," she said. "Isn't that...?"
"I think so," I said.
"The similarity..." she said. "This can't be a coincidence."
"No, it can't. There's no other explanation."
"So...."
"That's right," I said. "Peter Petrelli from ABC's hit TV show Heroes is the long-awaited Messiah!"
A closer look at Peter, highlighting the facial characteristics suggestive of deity:
He's tall, handsome, charismatic... everything you could ever want in a savior. And he can fly and absorb other heroes' powers, just like in the Bible. What more evidence could you need?
Man, I would love to hang around with Messiah Peter Petrelli. We'd vanquish evildoers, play touch football, hit all the trendy clubs....
Ah, who am I kidding? Messiah Peter Petrelli is way too cool for the likes of me. Chicks would be swarming all over him, and people would be taking his picture, and I'm sure he'd be cool about it but it would always be, "Hey, Diesel, just one more autograph, ok? Then I can save you from your sins and we can go do karaoke." But hours later, I'd be drowning my sorrows alone in a bar, racking up sin after sin as I mangled the lyrics of STP's Interstate Love Song.
Nah, I think I'm going to stick with the swarthy little Jewish dude. He's more my speed.
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
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Wow, what are people thinking when they send out those things. Do they really think people will change their minds just from reading a flyer or bumper sticker?
hah! i always knew Peter Petrelli was extra special.
(guessing this is your way of saying he's coming back next season, eh?) ; ) xox
neva - Of course he's coming back next season! The Bible said he would come back! Of course, there won't be a season after that because the world will have ended, but this fall on TV should be kick-ass.
You sure you don't wanna take this act on the road?
It's STILL to organized for me. I mean, I know exactly when I can see this new messiah -- just check TV Guide.
Although, I'm skeptical about these new powers. I mean, weren't The Knack supposed to be the new Beatles?
Crap, I think I just dated myself.
...and I paid. I'm so nice.
yeah i'm with you, give me the nondescript swarthy dude with dirt under his nails...
in a similar vein...
,y oldest limelette who is a fair skinned redhead had to do a report on Mormons. during her research she discovered their doctrine that lighter skin means you are more righteous. she declared her superior righteousness in our household and announced she may convert. that was until i told her that would make her eligible for being some 60 yr old's nubile young 8th wife.
I think I like the new one! What's his name again...I will be his number one follower!
I always knew that the Gilmore Girls and our Messiah were inextricably linked.
My suspicions were on Suki the whole time, but now I know...it was JESS!!
"Follow the Christ." That is one of the more off-putting religious messages I've heard. It sounds a little to close to "follow the money."
Mmm ... STP!
I'm sorry, what were you talking about again?
She didn't try to chat you up?
They never try to chat me up, either, but that's because I'm always cowering upstairs peeking through the blinds until they leave.
Is the Christ different than just Christ? Because to me this makes him sound more like a proper noun than the pronoun he deserves to be called. Kind of like saying "follow the plumber" instead of the more respectful "follow Christ the plumber." See what I'm saying?
Jewish? Jesus? Be off with you, everyone knows he was British! Stiff upper lip and all that.
You sure are a nice guy Diesel. I always tell those dang Jehovah's witnesses that I wish they would climb to the top of the WatchTower, and take a flying leap!
I think you made the right choice. I like my messiahs swarthy as well.
I'll ask him if he's Christ when I see him, seeing as though we are dating and all...in my head we are, at least...
funny article! The JW Jesus has this creepy smile that says: "follow me or I will kill your family"
Damn!!!!
You get a lot of Jehovah's Witnesses where you live, considering its so rural. 12 years in suburbia, and I've had one guy stop by to say he was moving into the neighborhood, and by the way "I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
On second thought, I should say for the sake of any potential JW readers that my address is:
Biosphere 2
Oracle, AZ
I don't get the "Follow THE Christ" bit. (Reminds me of "Follow the Yellow Brick Road...)
This guy is supposed to be THE Christ as opposed to all the other Christ wannabes out there?
You mean I'm not stuck with the Chist that hung on my grandmother's wall? I get to pick what he looks like? Hmmm....the possibilities...
Okay, Diesel, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long while! Maybe I just needed a good laugh right now, but when I got to how you deduced that Petrelli was the Christ, via the picture comparison, I spit out all the rhamen noodle soup I was eating at the time...
Man, I knew there was a reason why I watched that show.
That said, I never really thought Jesus would come back as the actor in a drama series. Especially one on NBC.
So, Diesel, you're saying that Jesus of Nazareth was really an Italian? Make that stick, and you could win a free tour of the Vatican ...
Mmmmm, okay!
And, see, I do follow dear Milo. I followed him from Gilmore Girls to American Dreams to Heroes. Surely that counts for something in heaven...
OMG! (Excuse the blasphemy...) you are so right! I always thought Peter Petrelli was a bit girly-looking though.
Makes perfect sense. Modern day Jesus would need a secret identity, much like Superman. What better alter ego than the star of a hit TV show?! Brilliant.
I think that picture of Jesus makes him look like a smarmy business man, or lawyer, maybe hailing from God and Son Legal Services? (Slogan: "Have Faith In Us")
I always thought that that actor would make a really good Holden Caulfield...I suppose you could consider Caulfield a "Christ figure" to the angsty teenager brigade.
Maybe he's really the Anti-Christ?
A couple of ladies came to my door yesterday, but I didn't get the Christ picture. I just had to say I knew Jehovah and finished their verse and they smiled and left...I know down deep she wanted to leave me a picture though...
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Ooh..and Moses, too.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=e2Hf6L1eQBc
Hop to it.
If Peter Petrelli is Jesus, does that make Mama Petrelli Mary? Somehow she doesn't strike me as the type who'll go for the whole "immaculate conception" thing.
So which name would Peter Petrelli use to sign his autograph?
How did you do that? That "close inspection" was hysterical (and barf-inducingly clever). I've had to put a disclaimer out on a post because of an idea I swip - er, had similair, to one of yours..
Just when I think I've done well, I have to come over here and get to feel all inferior again. I hate that, why can't you do a bad post once in a while?? Making me laugh doesn't mean I'm happy, you know.
I got that same exact flyer a few weeks ago. Shame on me for not putting two and two together...
Oh, and I read it as Follow "The Christ". You know, like "The Rock".
I can't believe you got the flyer without the sermon! :)
They actually rang my doorbell---and like a fool I answered it. My first visit of JW's since moving into the hood---and they were black, too. What an ingenious disguise! She was an attractive lady with her poor old one legged mother in a wheelchair waiting patiently for her to finish.
I got the same flyer.
I blame myself for their visit as we've yet to hang our mezuzahs upon our door frames yet.
(found you through Lis blog)
Wow. If that's Jesus, damn he is HOT.
If I turn the channel when he comes on, is that a sin? Could you imagine playing hide and go seek with Jesus? Where do you hide?
This is great! In my mind, Jesus looks like my husband. Or, maybe better said, my husband looks like the Jesus I used to have in my mind. I got at least one part right: the Jewish part. I doubt that Jesus had a whole lot of Russian blood in him, though. ;)
I also love the Alfred Burt poem for precisely this reason. "Some children see him lily white . . . "
I didn't know about the poem until the Kenny Loggins' Christmas CD. I love Kenny Loggins. Maybe Jesus looks more like him . . . ?
Okay, and if Glacial Spain really did live in the biosphere, then he must know my fabulous husband (who is the closest I'll get to the Messiah on this side). I don't believe it, but if it's true (and you're the fellow that he knows), it's a very, very small world, and I'm sure that Jon would want me to send his "hello"s. ;)