Ahmadinejad Kills in New York, Launches North American Comedy Tour

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was an unexpected hit at Columbia University on Monday. "He's like the Iranian Yakov Smirnoff," said one attendee. "Except funny."

At first it looked like Ahmadinejad was going to bomb. "Let me tell a joke here," Ahmadinejad began. "I think the politicians who are after atomic bombs, or testing them, making them, politically they are backward, retarded."

The audience could only shrug and assume that the joke was funnier in Farsi.

Soon, however, the ruler of the repressive, theocratic police state hit his stride, pretending to be angry at Israel for "persecuting" Palestinians. His explanation of Iran's nuclear program was also a hit. "Our nuclear program is for energy, not weapons," he deadpanned.

Ahmadinejad, whose dry, absurdist wit has provoked comparisons to Steven Wright and Norm MacDonald, clearly is not afraid to take risks with his material. The nuclear energy joke, for example, relies on the audience's understanding that Iran sits on top of literally billions of barrels of oil. "I have faith in my audience," said Ahmadinejad after the show. "It's true that not everyone will understand how absurd it is for a country that is essentially one gigantic oil field to be pursuing a nuclear energy program, but I think the hardcore fans get it."

Ahmadinejad got the biggest laughs with a joke about homosexuality. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country," Ahmadinejad said. The crowd burst into raucous laughter at the remark.

"In Iran we do not have this phenomenon," he continued, going in for the kill. "I do not know who has told you we have it."

Many of the audience members were literally in tears at this point. Sandy Morrison, a 19 year old Columbia undergraduate, was doubled up in laughter. "Stop it, I can't take any more!" squealed Morrison.

Tim Corman, a 21 year old prelaw student, said he appreciates the dry sophistication of Ahmadinejad's humor. "I like how he doesn't just come out and say that homosexuals are routinely executed in Iran. He just acts like, 'What? Homosexuals? Where?' Like he really has no idea. It's priceless."

Ahmadinejad segued seamlessly into his well-polished holocaust denial routine. "Holo-what?" he quipped. "Isn't that a Gwen Stefani song?"

Clearly pleased with his performance, Ahmadinejad announced that he would be embarking on a six week North American comedy tour, appearing with Larry the Cable Guy and openly gay comic Ant. "They tell me someone named 'Ant' will be there,"Ahmadinejad joked, "but so far I haven't seen him."

Ahmadinejad hopes the tour will help sales of his new book, Stuff We Don't Have in Iran. The book is a collection of one-liners that has been compared to Jeff Foxworthy's You Might Be A Redneck If.... The jokes all start with "In Iran..." and end with a humorous observation about how life in Iran differs from the rest of the world. Some examples:

• In Iran, Michael Jackson is still black.
• In Iran, Starship is still "Jefferson Starship." In the more conservative areas, it is still "Jefferson Airplane." ("None of our cities were built on rock and roll," Ahmadinejad notes wryly.)
• In Iran, Britney Spears is still a perky 17-year old with that innocent schoolgirl thing going on.
• In Iran, there are only three Star Wars movies, and the third one ends with an Ewok slaughter.
• In Iran, Kurt Cobain is still alive but Courtney Love is dead.
• In Iran, Woody Allen is still funny.
  

Ahmadinejad is currently working on a second volume of "In Iran..." one-liners. Feel free to post your suggestions in the comments.


In Iran, the one-eyed humor-blogs.com is king.