Running Mates

With my own presidential hopes dwindling, I have turned my attention to the current crop of candidates. Which of these gentlemen or harshlady, I wondered, is worthy of my vote?

Sadly, I find all the popular the candidates wanting. It's not that they're bad candidates; I just find myself wishing for a little more. For that reason, I have begun to consider possible running mates for each of the leading candidates -- people who might give the ticket that extra oomph it needs.

Candidate	Possible Running Mate
Hillary Clinton	Monica Lewinsky PROS: Once held an actual paid job in the White House Good for taking on tasks Hillary finds distasteful May be able to forge a model of cooperation that will also work between Sunnites and Shi'ites CONS: Voters may think, "She's ok, but is she really the best we can do? I mean, couldn't we have any babe we want?" No longer a spring chicken With two women on the ticket, voters may be reluctant to ask important underwear-related questions at town hall meetings
Mike Huckabee	Huckleberry Hound PROS: Offers name recognition to the ticket Likable character Strong track record in the Laugh Olympics CONS: Yogi has already expressed support for Grape Ape Party affiliation unclear -- possibly blue dog democrat? Unanswered questions regarding relationship with Clementine
Barack Obama	Grundir the Implacable (Ring-Wraith/Nazgul) PROS: Definitely black enough Extensive foreign policy experience Strong record of opposing illegal hobbit immigration CONS: Recently implicated in Mordor embezzlement scheme Often confused with Bob Dole Never really stood out from the other Nazgul Something of a dark horse candidate
John Edwards	John Edward PROS: May placate voters who have been upset to learn that the "John Edwards" campaign does not in fact have multiple candidates named John Edward Popular with Chicago's several million dead voters Experience duping media and public CONS: "I'm getting the letter I. Iron... Ira... Ira something. Irap? Iram? We're definitely going to be attacked by terrorists from a country starting with I, R, A. Does that help?" Squirrelly face and hair gel make me want to punch him Thomas Jefferson won't shut the hell up during cabinet meetings Efforts to bait Ann Coulter into calling him a "faggot" have so far been unsuccessful

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