Thanks to this blog, I'm now considered something of a celebrity in some circles. Generally they are very small circles, drawn with chalk. Still, occasionally I get the opportunity to hobnob with the beautiful people. Witness the photo below.
Submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Tuesday.
And remember, if you would like Grundir the Implacable to guest post at your blog, email him at Grundir@mattresspolice.com. He can handle any meme you throw at him, as well as most hobbits.
Have a great weekend. See you Monday!
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
Submit your caption in the comments. Mrs. Diesel will pick her favorites and I'll post a poll on Tuesday.
And remember, if you would like Grundir the Implacable to guest post at your blog, email him at Grundir@mattresspolice.com. He can handle any meme you throw at him, as well as most hobbits.
Have a great weekend. See you Monday!
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
Labels: Caption Contest
| posted by Diesel at Friday, September 21, 2007 |
|
Leave a comment! |
I heard there was an open bar at this rehab center
Today, on "Celebrity V.D.".....
So that's where Britney's underpants keep going.
"OMG! Did you see the size of his shoes?"
"If that hand gets any lower, you're losing it, dork!"
"Diesel tied my tie for me."
"So? He loaned me his pants!"
Not really a caption, but I do admire the satin outfit. I have one just like it.
Oh what the hell...
"Ladies... this is what a clean man smells like..."
Phat, Fat, and Frat.
After helping Britney prepare for the MTV awards last week, Diesel decides to pall with his new bff Paris and Hilton.
Diesel says, "Hey the bars are great, but can we go look at purses now?"
Diesel says, "I'm thinking if I open your next show with a few of my humorous remarks, you will be back on top again, Brit. What you need is to look like you want people to laugh."
Not a man, not yet a woman.
The Who's Who of Sexually Transmitted diseases: Herpes, Syphilis and Gonorrhea. Chlamydia (Lindsay Lohan) not shown.
This would be the last time that three of K-Fed's former conquests would be seen together...
Hey Paris how do you get a Diesel off your back?
How Britney?
Beat it off.
Britney: Hey Paris, I'm thinking ménage à troi.
Paris: Manage a what?
Whores on Parade.
Paris: Britney, I thought you said Vin Diesel was coming over.
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"I swear, if this guy uses that 'I need to inspect your Mattress tags' line one more time..."
Diesel (hand strays): Oops! I did it again.
Britney: Oh Paris, remember the interesting photoshop images, men would make with us and them, when we were younger?
Paris: Grosssssssss. That's hawt.
The Three Stooges in Boobs in Arms. Soon to be featured in Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb.
Diesel debuts his new "I'm with Stupids" t-shirt.
which blogworld celebrity has the biggest pair of boobs?
where is your other leg pray tell?
Mrs. Diesel's divorce lawyer: Your honor, may I present exhibit one ...
"I've heard about A Monkey On Your Back but this is ridiculous."
I shave mine too...
Paris-- "Should we call security?" Brit--"No, I need some positive press, and I hear this guy is so smart that he even wrote a book!"
Paris "cool then we'll let him touch our boobs!"
To quote David Lee Roth for your caption- "I always travel around with two because its better for converstion. If one starts up, I don't have to be in it."
It's Diesel, bitches.
I suck at these captiony things, but here goes:
Diesel: Ensuring Paris and Britney wear their skivvies since 2006.
Omigod Diesel...you're lucky it's 'pants' night. Tomorrow it's back to skirts and no panties. Get ready to roll with that, dude...and don't forget to shave!
Diesel to Britney: We'll always have Paris.
Photographer: Come on, altogether, say, "I have the perkiest boobs!"
Diesel found himself to be just another media whore d'oeuvre.
Paris: Adjutant Inspector? Oh wait, adjutants are like some kind of words, right? So, does that mean we have to read and stuff? Cuz I am like so not into reading.
Britney to Paris: I think we have enough Diesel fuel to keep us running all night long.
You mean I get to keep them both?!
Oh yeah, baby, Diesel fitter!
"What kind of inspector did you say you were? I don't think girl even HAVE an adjutant?"
"We go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong...Chang chang changity chang shoo bop we'll always be like one
Wa-wa-wa-one -- okay, now your turn Britney", says Diesel
"Tell me, again, what shampoo makes your hair so soft? Oh yeah, that's right that's not your real hair!"
Paris, "Okay, so you're saying, that were NOT supposed to drink and drive?"
Britney, "And tell me again about this license-thingy."
Just a few of California's unemployed
Britney,"Okay, on the count of three let's ditch him."
Paris, "Wait which comes after 1? Is it 2 or 3?"
Mrs Diesel says :
"would you please let go and come back home to a real woman ?"
Well, I can't top rjlight's "unemployed" submission, but what they hey...
Q: Which of these people is wearing underwear?
__A. Paris
__B. Diesel
__C. Britney
__D. None of the above
Well I pretty much suck at these things but here is a fairly long one.
Brittany: Who is this drunk guy hanging on our shoulders
Paris: I don't know, lets get drunk and have sex with him
Brittany: I think I already did. Oops looks like I did it again.
Brittany: Wow, nothing to start the night off like a beer bong. Plus, I only hit 4 kids driving back here.
Tonight we honor Community Service Volunteers for their hours caring for the forgotten, wretched spawn of America's ill-fated lemur/human genetic splicing experiments.
Paris: So I wrote "Confessions of an Heiress", Diesel here wrote "Antisocial Commentary", but when are you going to release "Getting Drunk for Dummies"?
Same as above but change "Getting Drunk for Dummies" with "Getting Drunk like this Dummy"
Paris, Britney, Diesel....the Bermuda Triangle of taste.
Paris to Britney: Just repeat after me...hear no Diesel, speak no Diesel, see no Diesel.
I must be hearin' Santa, 'cause all I can see is three loud ho's...
Five consecutive boobs? A new club record!
After years of struggle, Diesel's Patented CrotchCam hit the big time. And there were two people he really needed to thank...
1. Madame Tussaud herself persuaded the REAL Britney and Paris to bring in the latest Diesel waxwork ....
2. Paris fiddles while Diesel, er, fumes
#1 Diesel tried as he might but he was no Tucker Max.
#2 Photoshopping...that's hot.
#3 I've got cable
#4 Really, I'm Lindsey I swear.
#5 Quick take the picture before security tackles me.
#6 You've got the look I want to know better...
#7 Someone gets me lots of alcohol before these two sober up.
It had worked he was in, the promise of a meeting with Kenny Skywalker always worked with the chicks.
Diesel: "Hey girls! Who wants a purple nurple?"
Ever the concerned environmentalist, Diesel always picked up his trash.
After seven miles of trying to shake him off, Britney and Christina finally see the funny side...
I'm sure all of the good captions are taken at this point.
Diesel: "Are you wearing underwear? I'm not wearing underwear."
Diesel tries to cop a feel.
Seriously, Lindsey, the drugs are really starting to affect your appearance.
"I thought he'd be taller."
No caption to submit, but WOW there are some great entries here already - these are hilarious!
"The Three-Legged Race at Hollywood's star-studded Alcoholics Anonymous Labor Day picnic ended this year in a wobbly six-legged tie..."
Take Two :
After seven miles of trying to shake him off, Britney and Paris finally see the funny side...
Diesel's mom told him to take out the trash, so now he is dating Paris and Britney.
It is a variation of lonie polony's caption along with an adaptation of an old redneck joke, so I refuse to accept any credit if any is due.
I know...you're going to say no credit is due.
Diesel finally stooped so low that he has to be carried...by two low lifes.
The new lineup for fall's hottest TV remake- 'Three's Company.'
"Come and knock on our door, we've been waiting for you......."
Never barf down the backs of two blonds then fall against them. You will be bonded to them like superglue and may never escape. Estimated IQ loss per minute is 2.5 points. Soon, he will be no more.
Little does Diesel know that, because he took Viagra, he is in for a four hour rejection.
As sole survivors of a nuclear holocaust, Diesel, Paris and Britney must now repopulate the planet Earth.
We all await the outcome after Diesel confuses super glue with Viagra.
Is this The Impossible Dream? Britney: “Let’s dial up Paula Abdul and make it a foursome.”
Matchmaker Diesel does it again: Paris and Britney are now officially an item. Aah! Young love.
Britney: “We can’t leave yet! We have to wait until the paparazzi find us.”
Paris: “No, Diesel! I am not going to pretend to be Madonna and make out with Britney.”
"Diesel seen celebrating with his co-stars after having been cast as Jack Tripper in the film treatment of 'Three's Company'."
Diesel suddenly realized he'd been caught in a booby trap.
Diesel: Girls, I'm going to be the new James Bond. We're doing Octopussies, so round up four of your friends and get down to the auditions.
Britney: Paris, did you just get a delivery from the WTF truck?
Diesel and the Dieselettes.
Britney meets Sean Preston's new step-daddy!
With Lindsay in rehab, Paris and Brit find a new pal to hit the clubs with.
Let me show you how things run on Diesel power.
The origin of their alcoholism!
"Are you ready for the best mistake of your lives?"
Negotiations are underway for Paris' and Britney's next theatrical venture: One Night with Diesel.
Kevin Federline has met his match.
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Diesel's wearing a new deodorant and as you can see, the ladies likey.
No matter who he screws, his penis loses.
Condoms: not just a luxury but a necessity!
Britney and Paris engage in a rousing game of 'Monkey In The Middle!'
A photo with the specially selected brain donor for Britney and Paris the night before the big surgery.
Britney's and Paris' choice in men plummeted to unforeseen depths this weekend.
( :) Smile, Diesel. )
Handling the tabloid fame of the smash book release has taken an ugly turn for Diesel.
Diesel: Patience, Patience, ladies. The Diesel has freed up enough time in his schedule to toot a rail of coke off of BOTH of your asses.
BEST Dumb Blond Joke... ever.
Paris to Britney: "Who's that old fart that keeps accosting us?"
by the way, I have a meme for Grundir, I just need to have the time to do it.
Diesel finally talks the dynamic duo into a photograph after dishing up a lame story about his dying grandson.
Paris: You're such a cool Grandpa. I mean, doing this for your grandson... that's hot!
Britney: Uh... yeah, could you not poke me in the ass with that thing, Gramps?
Dumb, Dumber, and Retarted -- where stupid is as stupid does, and stupid is all there is.
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Diesels impersonation of the thinking womans hunk Hugh Laurie is flawless. Pity he wasted it on bimbo's.
Britney: 'Isn't he that guy from that show, like?'
Paris: 'Yeah isn't it called Apartment or something?'
Britney: "Easy, there, D."
Paris: "Yeah, you know the rules: grab anything but the hair."
Announcer: After three hours in front of the cameras, Diesel's fake smile is painfully apparent, while Britney's and Paris's Surgi-Smiles (TM) still look as natural as their natural-looking fake breasts.
Britney and Paris: "Thanks, Surgi-Smile!"
Announcer: Surgi-Smile, by Johnson & Johnson & Johnson &...
Diesel: "Hey, nice Chiclets!"
Diesel: "Hey, look, I'm the English Channel!"
Lindsay sure has hit hard times.
Apart Britney and Paris are alcoholic whores, but together they form DIESEL!!!
Coming to FOX this fall, a new reality show featuring America's most beloved brats Britney and Paris. One Night Stands. Watch as Britney and Paris sell their last shred of decency for fame. And don't miss the climax where one of our glorious pair overdoses. Which one will it be? Tune in!
So that's who has been giving them bad business advice!
"Yeah, this night is gonna end well."
New Supergroup Fails To Be In Any Way Super.
Police are looking for these suspects in the savage beating of Lindsay Lohan.
"Sorry, Soylent Green has standards." Come again!
Britney: Ummm. . Paris . . like how'd we end up with the guy from Phish?
I don't know who this guy is either...just keep smiling. He'll pass out soon.
Paris: You know what they say about bloggers with huge feet!
Brit