Once in a while I do what I call a "sock drawer" post, where I post a bunch of random jokes and musings that I haven't figured out how to stretch into a full post. Lately I haven't had a lot of time to write blog posts, as I've been working on my plumbing and my novel. So I decided to... what? Yes, plumbing and a novel. You have a problem with that? Ok, so anyway, I decided to do a post that was... No, I'm building a house. Well, an addition, actually, but it's bigger than the rest of the house, so... About 110 pages. Thanks. What? Well, the house, of course, but she's very understanding. And I've let her read the first 80 pages and she keeps bugging me to tell her what happens next, so... No, what's next in the novel. I think. Electrical. Then the roof, doors and windows, siding... Yes, a LOT of work. Pardon? Hmmm, probably the house. Well, I'm aiming for early spring, but who knows? Geez, I have no idea. I think I'm about halfway done, but I'm going to have to do a lot of editing and rewriting. And then there's the matter of trying to find a publisher... Well, it's actually my second book. You can order the first one here. Thanks, I'm very proud of it. Someone even said it was "the funniest book you will read this year." What? Yes, extremely expensive. I have enough money to finish the house, I think, but after that... well, if the novel sells really well... What, it's not that funny. Hey, shut up. Some people do make a living writing books, you know. Stop laughing. I'm serious. Ok, that's it. See if you get an autographed copy.
Where was I? Oh yeah, I decided to do a post of some random pics that I've been trying to work into a post for a while. So I present to you the first ever Sock Drawer Picture Edition.
First, don't you love the Windows auto-update feature that pops up every time another hacker finds a hole that Bill Gates forgot to plug up because he was too busy making money-castles and money-forts and money angels? Wouldn't it be great if someone applied that concept to elected officials?
Lately there have been some rumors about a Spice Girls reunion tour. Whatever your feelings about that possibility, I think we can all agree that this is definitely one of the signs of the apocalypse.
Are you tired of second rate actors and first rate dorks like Tom Cruise being interviewed on Inside the Actor's Studio? How about a REAL star for a change? An actor with some versatility. Maybe someone who can literally transform from one character to another? I present to you, Starscream on Inside the Actor's Studio:
And finally, thanks to Jeff and Microsoft's Live Search, I can now offer you an aerial view of the homestead. This one isn't a joke; this really is where I live. Click to enlarge the pic.
And if you think that looks like a big place, this is our full property. The red box is the area pictured in the photo above. The purple box is our entire lot. Most of it is orchard, as you can see.
Well, I feel better now that I've cleared out the sock drawer. I'll be back with something or other tomorrow, and I'll post the caption contest results on Friday.
Diesel out.
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
Where was I? Oh yeah, I decided to do a post of some random pics that I've been trying to work into a post for a while. So I present to you the first ever Sock Drawer Picture Edition.
First, don't you love the Windows auto-update feature that pops up every time another hacker finds a hole that Bill Gates forgot to plug up because he was too busy making money-castles and money-forts and money angels? Wouldn't it be great if someone applied that concept to elected officials?
Lately there have been some rumors about a Spice Girls reunion tour. Whatever your feelings about that possibility, I think we can all agree that this is definitely one of the signs of the apocalypse.
Are you tired of second rate actors and first rate dorks like Tom Cruise being interviewed on Inside the Actor's Studio? How about a REAL star for a change? An actor with some versatility. Maybe someone who can literally transform from one character to another? I present to you, Starscream on Inside the Actor's Studio:
And finally, thanks to Jeff and Microsoft's Live Search, I can now offer you an aerial view of the homestead. This one isn't a joke; this really is where I live. Click to enlarge the pic.
And if you think that looks like a big place, this is our full property. The red box is the area pictured in the photo above. The purple box is our entire lot. Most of it is orchard, as you can see.
Well, I feel better now that I've cleared out the sock drawer. I'll be back with something or other tomorrow, and I'll post the caption contest results on Friday.
Diesel out.
Listed on humor-blogs.com.
Labels: Building, Doctored Photos, Movies, Sock Drawer
| posted by Diesel at Wednesday, September 12, 2007 |
|
Leave a comment! |
Dude, D, those are some nice boxes.* I'm impressed with your paint skills. I've missed you, my friend. Much like I've missed my herpes outbreaks.
*not the spice girls.
Wow, you let someone read your still-in-progress novel? You must love that person very, very much.
Looks like you have enough room in the orchard to have The Spice Girls perform there in a special concert for your Adjutant Inspectors. Please fix the nasty green pool before I get there.
Wow, I think there needs to be a few more of these sock drawer entries. You've exhibited some incredible brilliance here today. LOVED the candidate "update". If only it were that easy. Well, relatively easy, considering it would involve Microsoft.
Those were great. I love the candidate update. Just click and give your candidate some foreign policy experience.
What I really love about it is that it applies to every single person running in both parties. And I love how some people just got pissed at my statement and want really badly to email me and tell me why it doesn't apply to THEIR candidate. ;-)
I got my book, I got my book! Yay! I ripped open the envelope and stood in my foyer reading it for about 20 minutes before I realized - hey, I have a chair. (Really I just wanted to use the word foyer in something.) Plus? Book was supposed to be a present - I shouldn't be creasing the binding... Anyway, it's AWESOME! Thank you. And Pestilence Spice - that's good, too. Also the Windows thing.
That live search mp is really interesting. It doesn'tr give nearly as clear a photo of my own home, but still better thangoogle earth.
Hmm. It seems like your location is hardly a bustling metropolis, but if it isn't then why can you zoom in so much? The closest I'm able to zoom in is still not close enough to distinguish dirty lake from beer bottle ridden beach volleyball court. Any secret tips?
I want to live in the BARN!!
How funny. I literally just got done with one of my random posts for tomorrow since I haven't had time to write much with Cameron being in the hospital at all. Oy. He's home and seems to be doing better.
I'm so proud of you as well. All these years the Spice Girls have not been relevant (as if they ever were, but they still are a guilty pleasure of mine), and you still come up with a great joke.
I challenge you to do Lewinsky now. No, not literally. Although I'm sure The Gap could use the sales boast.
Great. Just when my brain had finally purged itself of all knowledge of the Spice Girls, they decide to make a comeback...
are you hearing voices again?
I hate that show.
Who are the spice girls again?
I can't get that good a satellite photo of my house. Maybe it's because of the airport nearby and the fact that Toyota flies stuff in all the time for their top-secret space shuttle.
oops - I wasn't supposed to let that slip.
You know if you build it (the future baseball diamond)- they will come. Just make sure you're ready for all the tourists.
Although somehow it doesn't seem like ghost players walking out of an orchard will be quite as dramatic as a corn field.
I lied - they updated.
We all live in a red or purple box, huh? Big property. Big addition. What a project you have on your hands.
Good post. Good luck on your novel, too.
I gotta go see how Live Search finds my home...
By the way, you have to play with the search results a bit to get an arial picture like that. I think you have to switch from map mode to 3d mode or something.
Who is Opa?
what?
who?
where?
huh?
what can i say, i lovelovelove these semi-coherent-yet-pretty-damn-funny excursions through that sock drawer of yours. ; )
Your first paragraph had me twitching...just one of those days, huh?
And your property is huge - my house would fit in the tree house!
I've been having problems accessing your blog lately?
Nice Spread! The Diesel-Rosa!
Crap. The Spice Girls are coming back? Seriously?
I knew I should have worked harder on that back-yard fallout shelter.
yeah well you are lucky, our lot is about 20 feet in all directions bigger than our trailer. lmaoooooooooooooo
Thanks for the link to Live Search, but I clicked on 'people' and typed in Anna Nicole Smith and Elvis....
nada.
I think it is broken.
And windows update, whats that? Oh. I get it, we superior folk with Mac's don't have that problem ;)
The dirty green pond would have been the perfect place to relocate the frogs in the interests of witness protection and National security.
I'm waiting for some sort of 'Field of Dreams' spinoff to come from you and your massive estate, maybe you could turn the baseball diamond into a croquet pitch, if you make it they will come, but they will all be old school white money.
Yes, because those of us in houses bursting at the seams and suburban yards needed our noses rubbed in it...
Just jokes :)
What lonie said.
Hey, nice place you've got there!
i tried to do a sock drawer post.
all i found was socks..
Robin - Opa is my wife's dad. Opa = Grandpa in Dutch. :)
Wow, I didn't know Oprah lived right next to you! Why hasn't she featured your book for her Book Club damn her!
Oh, one thing you might consider after looking at that ariel shot of your place: grass. I know, Arizona heat and all. Whaaaah! Everyone should suffer the torture of cutting and fertilizing their own grass. It's like guns and apple pie, man!
Haha! Pestilence Spice.
Any mismatched socks in that drawer? Actually, it must be hard to find the sock drawer, let alone the socks, with all that space you've got there.
So, Opa and Oma get their own house? All I can offer my mom is the spare bed in Carmen's room.
So... is that the property on Jack Tone Road? Just making sure before I apply the plastique... er, I mean send you you're housewarming gift!
Ahhhhhh, Bossy can breathe again.