Thursday Shout-Out: Three Scary Monsters

Long time Mattress Police supporter, Humor-Blogs.com member and funny guy Mr. Fabulous is up for the Best Humor Blog award once again. Vote for him here. I know, I know, you want to vote for me, but you can't. I haven't been nominated, and if I had I would just throw all my support to Fab. Because, well, he has a chance to win.

In other news, have you been following the drama at Central Snark? You should be. As you know, my Nazgul minion Grundir the Implacable has been traversing the blogosphere dispatching memes and hobbits with his razor sharp wit and broadsword, respectively. Not content with memicide, he even decimated some Crummy Church Signs. But no amount of violence seems to soothe Grundir's blackened soul, and on Monday he showed up at Central Snark, whining about how hard it is to be neither truly dead nor alive:

What weighs heavily upon me these days is the little things, like the way small children look upon me when I’m at Target. I know, I should not let it trouble me so, but it wears on one, being constantly treated as if I am some sort of monster. Bah! I hear your protests. It is immaterial that I am, in fact, some sort of monster. (Get it, immaterial? I slay me!)

This was evidently more than some people could take. No longer satisfied to borrow Grundir for his own purposes, Joel from Crummy Church Signs hired his own socially inept henchman, a Wookie named Kalfu'ur, to "investigate" the misuse of alter egos throughout the blogosphere. A "quote," from Kalfu-ur, such as it is:

(Unintelligible Wookie War-Bellow)

Kalfu’ur stop silly alternate personas! Kalfu’ur not understand them! They not same as when Chewbacca, Magnificent One (May His Fur Always Be Ruffled) pretended to be prisoner in order infiltrate Death Star. Or when He pretended to be prisoner in order infiltrate Jabba’s Palace. (What can Kalfu’ur say? A good plan is a good plan. He “Magnificent One” for a reason!) There no princess in Inter-net! There no carbonite-encased friends! There no handsome bounty for alternate personas!

(A second unintelligible Wookie War-Bellow)

This led to a heated discussion in which Kalfu'ur was accused of being a prime example of the very thing he was supposed to be stamping out. The argument rapidly devolved into a barrage of vicious insults, with Kalfu'ur accusing Grundir of being unable to defend Mordor against midgets and Grundir suggesting that Kalfu'ur was just grumpy about his dingleberries.

Lampsha (also known as G, Queen of Humor-Blogs Reviews), stepped in to mediate, resulting in a riveting panel discussion between the two creatures. Although they were in agreement that "small, furry creatures are the bane of great evil empires everywhere," the discussion doesn't seem to have done much to improve relations between our minions. The low point was probably when Kalfu'ur quoted REO Speedwagon. Now people are talking about a "cage match," and I just don't know what to do any more. You try to raise your evil minions right, teach them evil from just plain wrong, and listen to their tortured howls of misery and regret, but I guess in the end they have to choose their own path. Read the discussion here and tell me what I should do with Grundir.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

I'll make a decision based on the results and let you know sometime next week.

And be back here tomorrow for the caption contest results. Get your vote in now!