Mattress Police - Antisocial Commentary

Ok folks, Mrs. Diesel and I have picked our favorites and now it's down to you, the voters. Here are the finalists:

Claire: Yes, your superstirring power is most impressive. Now can you use your superscrubbing power to get the spaghetti sauce off my ceiling?

katherine.:

When Claire asked Diesel to take her to the Prom...she didn't mean Carrie's Prom.

Theresa:

Claire: Making ketchup bottles explode with your mind, now what kind of superpower is that?

elasticwaistbandlady:

Suddenly Diesel felt the wrath of Claire rain down on him when he refused to pick her up some pads at Quickie Mart.

kev:: Diesel: "Don't worry, I have one of those Tide to Go stain removers in my pocket."
Deb:: Claire: Being the bottom of a pyramid is SERIOUS, Diesel! You will never cheer in this town or any other again!
Brad:

"Hell of a hangnail Hayden... hell of a hangnail..."

crazy aunt bea:: No one knew of Claire's other power until she finally started her period.
Mark Jabo:: Voice over announcer: (whispering)
"We're here at Adventure Zone, where we've secretly replaced the paint balls they usually use with live ammo....Let's see if anyone can tell the difference!"
renalfailure:: Claire: "So many midgets... so much blood..."
Diesel: "There will be more. There will always be more..."

Opinion Polls & Market Research

I also have to give Theresa the award for Most Captions Submitted and Most Obscure Mattress Police Reference with this caption:

Claire: Wow! So, you can identify anything you taste? Then tell me what's really in those McDonald's Quarter Pounders.

...which I can only assume is a reference to my Supertaster post (which also appears in my book, btw). Well done, Theresa!

Also, thanks to Anonymous for this heartfelt comment about my digital masterpiece: "wow that sucks, the lighting isn't even correct". Because after all, this contest isn't about having fun, it's about the use of correct lighting. You big douche.

I'll be back tomorrow with what we can only hope will be an original, humorous post.

Listed on humor-blogs.com.

Labels: Caption Contest

Tammie Jean said...: Wow, it was a very difficult choice... I had, like, 5 favorites!; 10:37 AM
kev said...: Hooray! I finally made it into the finals.

Not to sway the votes my way or anything, but if I win...I'm going to get a puppy.; 12:11 PM
katherine. said...: I'm gonna get a puppy even if I DON'T win!

this would be an appropriate one to win..; 1:25 PM
the frogster said...: If I win, I'm going to get everyone a puppy.; 5:35 PM
kev said...: You all misunderstand...

If I win, I'm getting a puppy. If I lose, I'm getting a puppy and then giving it to my friend Lennie Small.

That's right, people. I just made an "Of Mice and Men" book reference on a humor blog. Cower in fear (and then vote for me).; 8:30 PM
Lisa said...: frogster... I'm holding you to that.; 8:32 PM
Jocelyn said...: I hope we didn't catch you lashing out at a commentor there, at the end.

I mean, there's got to be a better way to handle the hostility and turn the whole thing into a hugfest, right?

Great photo, as usual, despite the sucky lighting. Which I hardly even noticed.

Until Hostile Commentor pointed it out.

Thanks for breaking the transparency of the photoshopping, Hostile Commentor.

Ya 'Nad.; 9:31 PM
Diesel said...: Jocelyn - Yeah, I'm feeling a little grumpy these days. I'm all for turning the other cheek, but friggin' anonymous commenters with their stupid opinions can kiss my a** cheeks.; 9:58 PM
Theresa said...: Yay! I'm in again, maybe this time it'll be my turn to win...I must have one of those In Your Face banners. Yes Diesel, the taste caption was in reference to your Superfreaky post, did anyone but you get it? Can I have a banner for making the most obscure mattress police reference caption?; 1:23 AM
Minka said...: Hey, this was sweet. I picked my favorite ten from your comment section as well and you guys have six of tehm in your list as well. Does that mean I have been Dieselized? Should I worry?; 5:05 AM
MadMad said...: I was going to say this yesterday, but it seemed like a lame comment. But since I'm still laughing about "You douche bag," today, I came back. HA HA! OK. It's still a lame comment, but it WAS funny!; 11:54 AM
exskindiver said...: i can't wait to get my new puppy from the frogster.

hi diesel!!!; 12:23 PM
Mrs. Diesel said...: I LOVE Jocelyn!; 6:23 PM
Brad said...: I'm on a roll lately...please show some love for the relative new guy here!!!

...hello?...anyone?; 7:48 AM

Vote!

Archives