Sock Drawer

First, I'd like to thank those of you who, according to Technorati, have been linking to me since December 31, 1969. It takes a lot of faith to link to a blog that doesn't yet exist, written by someone who hasn't yet been born, using technology that hasn't yet been invented -- and I want you to know that I won't let you down.

In case you don't know, 12/31/1969 marks the beginning of "the epoch" in the Unix world. That's the earliest date that many computer systems will recognize. Evidently Technorati lost some records, which caused a bunch of their dates to default back to the beginning of time. Good work, guys. It's nice to know that Humor-Blogs.com isn't the only blog directory that has the occasional hiccup.

Software developers often use '12/31/1969' as a dummy date, to indicate that a real date hasn't been specified for some variable. That always seemed kind of silly to me, to pretend that time didn't start until 1/1/1970. I decided to put a stop to that when I worked at Galactic Invertebrates. Which is why GI now has dozens of lines of code referring to '4/29/1970.' Happy birthday to me!

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One of the applications I wrote while I was at Galactic Invertebrates was a consortium management system, which stored information about member companies located all over the world. There were several administrative employees who were charged with inputting new companies into the system.

One day one of these employees, a middle-aged woman who spoke with a thick Russian accent, called me over to her desk because she was having trouble entering a new member company from Korea.

"The program makes me pick North Korea or South Korea," she said. "But they just wrote 'Korea'."

"It's South Korea," I said, without even looking at the paperwork. "It's very unlikely you'll see any companies from North Korea."

"Then why are there two Koreas in the program?"

"Because there are two Koreas in the world, and the program lists every country in the world."

"I think it would be easier if there was just one Korea," she said.

"Well," I said, unfortunately for you, there are 30,000 American troops preventing that from happening. So you'd better get used to picking South Korea."

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Another time a Hong Kong-based company got upset with GI because we had listed Hong Kong as part of China. I believe we eventually appeased them by separating out Hong Kong as its own country. Problem solved! Except, that is, for the problem of Hong Kong being part of China.

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Speaking of things that are unnecessarily complicated, I've been thinking lately about all the communication problems between the F.B.I. and the C.I.A. I think I've figured out the source of the problem. The F.B.I. is a Bureau, and the C.I.A. is an Agency. They're two completely different kinds of organizations!

When I'm president, all government functions are going to be consolidated by the type of organization. For example:

Federal Agency of Agencies
Includes:

• Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
• Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA)
• Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)

Federal Bureau of Bureaus
Includes:

• Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI)
• Bureau of Labor Statistics
• Bureau of Engraving & Printing

Federal Administration of Administrations
Includes:

• Farm Credit Administration (FCA)
• Federal Railroad Administration
• National Aeronautics and Space Administration(NASA)

And then there would be the Federal Commission on Commissions, the Federal Board of Boards and the Federal Authority Authority. Think of the efficiency!

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Oh, I almost forgot: September is National Preparedness Month. This year, let's make sure we get the word out early. Crap. Ok, next year.

If you enjoyed this post, may I also recommend: Sock Drawer | Sock Drawer | Sock Drawer | Sock Drawer | Sock Drawer There may be two Koreas, but there's only one Humor-Blogs.com. It's a brutal, third-world police state, and I need your help to stay on top! Please click the smiley guy!