Sock Drawer

You know what I hate? Those hot air blowers that they have in public restrooms these days instead of paper towel dispensers. Everybody hates those things. And the manufacturer knows that people hate them. That's why they put those big labels on them justifying their existence. "These damn things save natural resources and are more sanitary than paper towels, blah blah blah." You know what also saves natural resources and is more sanitary than paper towels? A big sign that says "Please wipe your hands on your pants because we're too f---ing cheap to buy paper towels."

*****

Speaking of paper towel dispensers, the other day I was wondering about those motion-activated paper towel dispensers. Do you think those things work for vampires? I hope so, because otherwise there are probably a lot of vampires out there who aren't washing their hands after using the bathroom. On the other hand, maybe that's why they wear capes.

*****

I don't really mind going to the dentist, but there is one thing that bugs me about it. You know how they put that paper bib around your neck so you don't drool on yourself or whatever? That part is okay, but what I don't like is when the hygienist starts wiping her instruments on it and stuff. This is my bib, ok? It comes with the checkup. If you need a bib, I'm sure you know where to find them.

*****

Everybody I know who has hardwood floors talks about how easy it is to scratch them. Yet every bowling alley that I've been to has perfectly shiny and smooth hardwood floors, despite people chucking bowling balls at them all day. What's their secret? If I ever get hardwood floors, I'm going to ask for the "bowling alley package." Unless the secret is wearing those funky shoes. Because that wouldn't be worth it.

*****

I came to a sad realization yesterday: I can, with some difficulty, name the first five presidents of the United States. I also can, with considerably less effort, name five movies that feature songs by Queen.

*****

I bet that if you had an iron fist, you'd get pretty sick of the phrase "ruling with an iron fist." What if you're just a nice old grandma, and all you do is make delicious apple pies with your iron fist?

If you enjoyed this post, may I also recommend: Sock Drawer | Sock Dispatch | Sock Drawer Join me at BlogCatalog