Best of the Mattress Police

Here are some posts that my readers seemed to particularly like. If you enjoy a post, please help spread the word by clicking the Digg, Stumble, or Smiley widgets at the bottom of the post. You can also subscribe to this blog to make sure you don't miss any new posts. Thanks!

Blogger of Light(R)
Now with trace amounts of Thomas Kinkade's semen.

This is not a compendia of erratum.
Most people can't write for shit.

Can You Dig It?
A letter to the 19 year old kid whom I paid $8 an hour to dig trenches.

Human Inertia
My third worst boss ever.

Denial is One of the Symptoms
In which I vent about some of the idiotic emails I get.

Throwing My Vote Away (on a Smaller Vagina)
Don't throw your vote away on candidates who promise cheap gas, independence from foreign oil, and larger penises. Throw it away on candidates who promise cheap gas, independence from foreign oil, and smaller vaginas.

Sock Drawer
Ruminations on Wrinkle Releaser(TM) and why I wouldn't be a very good cancer patient.

This Post Was Not Tested on Animals
If my shampoo wasn't tested on animals, doesn't that mean it's being tested on me?

Due to the Threat of Lawsuits, the Diesel Wellness Center No Longer Offers Wand Cleaning
A pictorial essay on the weirdness that is Google. And me. And Mr. Bleach.

Sock Drawer
Where do suicidal people in movies learn how to tie such great knots?

Don't Make Me Angry
The ups and downs of being the Hulk.

Book 'Em!
Why the alarm always goes off when I walk into Barnes & Noble.

Too Much To Bear
It's the Build-a-Bear Apocalypse!