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And Now for Something Completely Different...

Ok, so this is the first time I've ever felt the need to put a disclaimer in front of one of my posts. A few people have asked recently how I ended up with the nickname Diesel, and as the truth is not particularly interesting in this case, I decided ... [Read the full post]


Play Dead, Boy. Please, I'm Begging You, PLAY DEAD!

In honor of Halloween (and the apparent lack of interest in my previous post), here's a special treat:The World's Ugliest DogWhy didn't I just post the pic here? Because I didn't want you to have a heart attack when you came to my site. Yes, it's jus... [Read the full post]


Kids Say the Most Imperious Things

"That Annoys the Queen."- My 5-year-old daughter, who was dressed in a queen costume for Halloween, in response to my whistling in the car.Labels: Anecdotes


Bills and Other Pests

Last night I had a dream that vermin that looked like little black plastic boxes with electrical cords for tails had infested our home, having attached themselves to various electrical outlets throughout the house. Apparently some sort of animal had ... [Read the full post]


Fun for the Whole Family

I recently invented a fun game that those of you with young children can play. All you need is a vacuum cleaner and a blindfold. The game is called "Lego or Small Rock?"Labels: Family


Something in the Air

Recently my wife and I went to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers play at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley. Tom Petty's music is considered to be "classic rock," a genre which has mysteriously grown to include pretty much everything I listened to in co... [Read the full post]


Even I Can Double-Click, and I'm Only in Kitty-Garten!

My wife used to teach computers to kindergarteners. One day she was trying to teach a slightly challenged boy how to double-click. She told him, "Put your mouse over the picture and double-click."The little boy's brow furrowed and he pressed his fing... [Read the full post]


Bringing Snarky Back

When I was a kid, I spent a fair amount of time being scolded for doing things I wasn't supposed to do. Like maybe I talked back to a teacher, or lost my homework, or nearly burned down our neighborhood, for example.One thing I don't remember having ... [Read the full post]


WinSave Wanker Update

I'm currently using a hosting provider named WinSave. They charge me $8 a month, and I actually feel like I'm getting ripped off. I've been trying to switch to a company that doesn't use Fisher Price servers, but am meeting with some resistance. So I... [Read the full post]


Making the World Safe for Bureaucracy

You may have noticed there have been some changes around here. The Mattress Police are getting organized.In an effort to further the cause of unfettered mattress inspection and ultimate world domination, we are establishing a strict organizational hi... [Read the full post]


The Butt of My Own Joke

People who don't know me very well, who consider me to be a quiet, sensitive person, are always surprised to learn that I am in fact an insufferable smartass. I tend to keep my snarky comments to myself when I'm around people I don't know that well, ... [Read the full post]


A Penny for Your Nickelback

This morning I was struck by a piercing, insistent pain in my temples that lasted for about 3 minutes. I passed out briefly, and fortunately when I woke up the James Blunt song was over.James Blunt, in case you live in a cave in pre-glacial Spain, is... [Read the full post]


What Do Larry King, Richard Dean Anderson, and Keira Knightly Have in Common?

Me, apparently.Yeah, not bad, huh? Except for Larry King, with whom I share only a pair of glasses and an unfounded sense of moral superiority.Did I remove some ugly guys who didn't really look like me? Like, say, Rupert Murdoch or, oh, I don't know,... [Read the full post]


My Chemically Induced Infatuation

What do you get when you mix Blink 182, Queen and a marching band, set it to some hella creepy imagery, and throw in former child actor Lukas Haas? Well, THIS, as a matter of fact. I've mentioned this to a few of you already, but HOLY CRAP is this aw... [Read the full post]


The Best Things in Life Are Free (Unless You Are Stupid)

Look, I'm not going to be guilted into writing a blog entry every day, just to amuse you. I'm just not. If my employer can't get me to show up before 10:30am on a regular basis with what they're paying me, then I don't see how you can expect me to ca... [Read the full post]


That Would Explain Why They're Not Returning My Calls

A friend recently forwarded me an IM conversation he had with his boss regarding the difficulty he was having getting cooperation from the director of another department. At one point in the exchange, his boss made this remark:The feeling right now b... [Read the full post]


Antisocial? Me? I'm not antisocial, am I? Maybe I am antisocial.

I just noticed something really cool. Being an antisocial person, I spend a lot of time on the internet and one thing that I compulsively and antisocially do is check my traffic statistics, including where my various antisocial visitors are coming f... [Read the full post]


Undocumented Thoughts

So I can explain that void you've been feeling. It's caused by me not blogging for several hours in a row. Sorry about that. I have a good excuse, though: I was abducted by aliens. Or, to be politically correct, "undocumented beings." Alien is such a... [Read the full post]


Left Behind

This morning I had to stop by my church on the way in to work to sign the staff's paychecks. As the church treasurer, I'm one of a handful of people with the authority to sign checks and/or sell the church without the congregation's knowledge, if nec... [Read the full post]


Just Give Me a Sign

I have a confession to make. Most of the stuff on my MySpace profile is lies. I wasn't really born on another planet, those aren't my favorite TV shows, and the movies I listed were selected purely for their metallurgical properties. I really am a Ta... [Read the full post]


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