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Learn more about Mercury Falls and The Force is Middling in this One at RobertKroese.com Search Mattress Police:

A Crude Proposal

I know that y'all come here looking for a few cheap laughs, but today I have important work to do. This, being the last day of twenty-diggety-six, is the day that the world turns its lonely eyes to me to solve one of the big outstanding problems ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, December 31, 2006


Housekeeping Post

My shipment from Amazon finally arrived, so I've made some more progress on the Lamest Contest Ever. Read my thoughts on Hugh Laurie's The Gunseller at Central Booking.I'm struggling with the temptation to come out of retirement. Find out why at Ma... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Saturday, December 30, 2006


The Force is Middling in this One

6/30/06Cam Cloudhammer, Director of Human Resources, Order of the JediDear Mr. Cloudhammer,As a recent graduate of the Tatooine Academy of Arts and Sciences, I was excited to hear about the opening with the Jedi Knights for an entry level Force Techn... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Wednesday, December 27, 2006


10 Things That Suck Less Than Working at Galactic Invertebrates

If I weren't retired, I'd be on my way to work at Galactic Invertebrates* right now rather than sitting at home watching my kids watch Dora the Explorer. I love the part where you have to say "Swiper no swiping!" to keep Swiper from swiping. Then w... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, December 26, 2006


How the Almond Farmer Saved Christmas

During the 2005-06 crop year, more than $1.3 million worth of almonds were stolen from growers and shippers in the San Joaquin Valley. Truckload after truckload, thieves allegedly trespassed onto properties, cut fences and broke locks to get to th... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, December 24, 2006


I'm a Homemaker!

For those of you who don't believe I'm really building a house, here's some proof. Almost none of the photos have been doctored in any way. Click on the pic for a larger version.A view of our property from the street. That's the barn to the right ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Friday, December 22, 2006


Anything Interesting Happen While I Was Out?

So I suppose you all know by now that the recent tumult on this site was an elaborate ruse to prepare for the launch of a new design. This isn't to say that there aren't nefarious elements within the Mattress Police plotting my demise. The warri... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Wednesday, December 20, 2006


Hi Everybody!!!

Heya folks!Sorry about that last post and the recent technical difficulties. We're doing a little house-cleaning, and you know what they say, you can't clean a house without breaking a few eggs!You'll be happy to hear that Diesel has been reassigned ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, December 19, 2006


MOre bloggy goodies!!!

Hey Blogging Buddies!Troy Van Dellen back again with more blogarificgoodies! I know how tired you all must be of all the sarcasm and whiningthat used to be all over this site, so I'm just going to post nice stuff.Like this little number! Its a dog wh... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, December 19, 2006


I understand Mattress Inspectors have a very short life expectancy

You may have noticed the quantity and quality of my posts slipping recently. I know, we all go through dry patches, but this is more serious. Why? Because it's the Mattress Police, that's why. The Mattress Police don't have "dry patches." They d... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, December 18, 2006


Sorry You Feel Like Crap. Have Some Dog Hair!

I could never be an alcoholic. I say this not to brag about my willpower, as I have little. My problem, in fact, is the opposite. I lack the discipline to force myself to drink all day.I used to be pretty good at getting drunk. In college I would... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, December 17, 2006


I Told You It Would Be Cool

The Saturday Quiz has been pre-empted by something better this week.One of the happy side effects of having family from all over the civilized world and Canada out for John's funeral is that I got to meet several very cool members of my wife's extend... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Saturday, December 16, 2006


Hey, Didn't You Just Do This One?

Yeah, but I've got nothing else to post and I thought I could get some more mileage out of it. Now that we all know this is a joke, let's have some fun with it. If you're a blogger and you don't have anything better to post this weekend, go ahead a... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Friday, December 15, 2006


Thursday Shout-Out: Apropos of Something

Today's post is dedicated to an individual whose dreams are even more bizarre than mine, Jess of Apropos of Something. I have a love-hate relationship with people who might be funnier than me -- I love them right up to the point that they disapp... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Thursday, December 14, 2006


The Lark Never Expected to Become Famous Just for Being a Silly Bird Either

I started this blog as a lark, sort of making fun of myself and bloggers and the whole idea of blogging. Now here I am, a real live blogger with a small following of devoted readers who actually take time out of their busy schedules of mowing law... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Wednesday, December 13, 2006


What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Ok, I'm probably pressing my luck posting this after yesterday's snarkfest, but what the hell.I've always wanted to make one of those "What kind of ________ are you" quizzes for people to put on their blogs, and I've finally done it! My results are ... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Tuesday, December 12, 2006


That's Enough for Today... Hit the Showers!

I've been posting an awful lot lately, so I'm going to give y'all a break so you can catch up. Because unless you're a stalker like Gregory, you probably haven't even read my musings on the sexual subtext of Eragon yet.One more thing before I let yo... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Monday, December 11, 2006


Sock it to Me

I pick my socks out in the dark. Wait, let me back up.I sleep in a garage. No, that's not it either. One more try.Four years ago my wife and I bought 10 acres of land just oustide a small California town named Ripon. We planned to build a 2400+ s... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, December 10, 2006


Housekeeping Post

I've got a lof of miscellaneous updates to make today.First, my brother-in-law's family is hanging in there. We had the funeral on Tuesday. Several hundred people came out, many from far across the U.S. and Canada. It was a fitting tribute to John... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Sunday, December 10, 2006


Saturday Quiz: How Well Do You Know Me?

Today's quiz is particularly lame. It's shamelessly designed to reward my long-time readers as well as anyone intrepid enough to muck through my archives.Post your answers in the comments. If you don't know the answer, feel free to cheat by looking... [Read the full post]
Posted by Diesel on Saturday, December 09, 2006


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