You lucky bastards. You must have been really good to deserve another sock drawer post already. Like, you must have totally signed up at
BlogCatalog and gave
my blog glowing reviews and stuff. You guys rock! If you keep this up, pretty soon this is going to be the number one mattress-related blog on
BlogCatalog. Foam Mattress Central, you are going down!
----------
When the Apollo 11 guys went to the moon, do you think they knew that they were raising the bar for everyone from that point on? I mean, do you think they still would have done it if they had known that everybody was going to start saying, "We put a man on the moon but we can't [do something completely unrelated to putting a man on the moon]?"
I bet it's particularly bad for Neil Armstrong. His wife is probably like, "We can put a man on the moon, but just try to get him to separate his whites from his colors." And Neil Armstrong is like, "Baby, all I did is climb a ladder. The dudes at mission control took care of everything else." And his wife is like, "Yeah, you couldn't even get your one historic line right." And Neil Armstrong is like, "What does woman mean? Man said line perfect!"
What if that mission had failed? Would everybody be saying, "Well, it's no wonder we can't [cure cancer/find Osama Bin Laden/stop Britney Spears from reproducing]; we can't even put a man on the moon!"
What did people say before the moon landing? "We've sent men to Antarctica, and not all of them died, so I say we get started on trying to transmit music through frequency modulation!"
----------
The other day I was looking for some shorts at Target. I found a pair I liked, but they had some scuffing on them so I tried to find another pair like them. The next pair had the identical scuffing. I eventually realized that they were all like that. The shorts had been precisely pre-scuffed at the shorts factory.
How lazy have we become as a society that we can no longer be bothered to scuff our our shorts? Can you imagine explaining that concept to someone from the Third World? "No, they're not old, but we sometimes make our brand new clothes look old because we like the way they look. We give our old, worn clothes away to stores that sell them to people who can't afford brand new, professionally scuffed clothing."
I wonder if this trend will spread to other products. I think it would be cool to buy a professionally pre-dented Lexus, for example. Or maybe underwear with the skidmarks already in them, so I don't have to do it myself.
----------
According to the Bible, Methuselah lived to the age of 969. I would think life would really start to drag after a few hundred years. I wonder if he went through a mid-life crisis when he was around 500. You know, bought a really fast camel and started dating 300-year-olds.
----------
I'm always impressed with the knots that people tie in movies when they hang themselves. No matter how screwed up they are, they always manage to tie a perfect noose knot. And I don't think they teach that one in the Boy Scouts. It makes me wonder how many times these people have done it before.
I don't think I would kill myself like that. Too much pressure. I'd be worried about people laughing at my lousy knot. "Can you believe this idiot hanged himself with a modified midshipman's hitch? What a dumbass."
----------
Sometime I'd like to see a concert with Nickelback, Daughtry and Three Doors Down. It's not that I particularly like them, but I'd like some independent confirmation that they're not all the same band.
----------
Mrs. Diesel and I were watching TV yesterday when a character said something that I couldn't quite make out. I turned to my wife and said, "What did he say?"
She said, "It sounded like 'David Hockey.'"
I said, "Yeah, that's what I thought, but that doesn't make any sense."
She said, "Yeah, I know."
I said, "You know, if we're at the point in our relationship where we're both mis-hearing things the same way, there really isn't any added value for me."
"What are you saying?"
"I think we should see other people."
Labels: Sock Drawer