I'm a compulsive label reader. As a result, I often notice things on product labels that other people miss. Well, maybe they don't miss them so much as go on with their lives without wasting the next three hours obsessing about the warning on the side of a container of Clorox Disinfecting Wipes.
See, I read something like this...
...and I think, "Really? There's a federal law about how I may and may not use Clorox Disinfecting Wipes?"
I mean, first of all, what agency is in charge of enforcing that law? The Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Commonly Misused Cleaning Products? Second, just how far off-label would you have to be to go to federal prison for misusing Clorox Disinfecting Wipes? And how embarrassing would it be to have to explain that to the other inmates? If I thought I was going to be arrested for misusing Clorox Disinfecting Wipes, I'd quick go molest a sheep or something to beef up my rap sheet a bit.
Not being one to cowtow to the man, I decided to do some experiments to see how far beyond the limits of civil propriety one could go with Clorox Disinfecting Wipes.
The first thing I did, of course, was to test CDW on an animal.
No adverse reaction was observed. Good kitty.
I tried blowing my nose into CDW.
I felt a slight tingling sensation, but that may simply have been the thrill of violating federal law.
Next up: Ear cleaning.
That wasn't actually part of the experiment, but I wanted to make sure that I'd be able to hear the sirens of police cars arriving to surround the Diesel Compound.
The next logical step was to brush my teeth with CDW.
I should get a plaque for my bravery. Get it? Because... nevermind. Moving on.
CDW paper airplane!
Sure, it's a little limp, but I think I can get it up. See?
How about CDW coffee filter?
It kills germs while makes coffee! Brilliant!
Finally, the ultimate test: Could CDW be used for writing crank letters to the local newspaper?
Success! The Modesto Bee will be hearing from me!
Well, the Feds must be on their way by now, so I'd better go. I just have one more thing to do with CDW. Now where did I put that sheep?