OLYMPUS 10/25 – Domestic Disturbance: Police were summoned to the residence of Zeus and his wife Metis when neighbors complained of “a sound like somebody being eaten.” Officers found Zeus in his front yard, naked and apparently intoxicated. When questioned about the whereabouts of his pregnant wife Metis, Zeus claimed that she had “gone to the Circle K for some smokes.” Officers escorted Zeus inside the dwelling, where he fell asleep in an easy chair. His daughter, Athena, then emerged fully grown and outfitted for war, from his forehead. She declined to press charges.
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OLYMPUS 10/26 – Contract Dispute: Police received a call from one Atlas, who claimed he had been cheated by local celebrity Hercules. According to Atlas, Hercules had promised to hold up the sky for him while Atlas retrieved several golden apples from the garden of Hera and deliver them to King Eurystheus. Atlas claimed that Hercules had asked Atlas to “take the sky back for just a sec” while Hercules rearranged his cloak for padding on his shoulders. Atlas said that he agreed to this, but once he had taken the sky back on his own shoulders, Hercules simply left, saying “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya.”
When reminded that stealing apples is a crime, Atlas retracted his statement, claiming there had been a “big misunderstanding.” Officers considered taking Atlas in for questioning, but decided it would be best for all parties if he continued to hold up the sky.
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CRETE 10/28 – Prison Escape: Police were alerted when it was learned that a prisoner of the Labyrinth Correctional Facility, one Theseus, escaped after killing the prison warden, Tobias “Toby” Gertner, a well-known and respected Minotaur. It is unknown how Theseus was able to escape from the supposedly impenetrable maze, nor how the guards missed the fact that the prisoner had concealed a three foot sword inside his garments.
The Labyrinth has been shut down pending an official review, with one prison official stating, “I never did understand why they didn’t just build a big wall around the place.” A detective investigating the scene noted, “The whole thing smells like bullshit to me.”