What really happened to the Biblical character Enoch? Were there jazz clubs in 1900 B.C.? Why are there so many asses in the Bible? These questions and more are answered in “Mercury Swings,” one of the earliest adventures of the wise-cracking angel Mercury on the Mundane Plane.
Mercury strolled along the banks of the Euphrates, trying to pinpoint the source of a saxophone wailing the unmistakable strains of Dixieland jazz. As the sax gave way to the strumming of a bass, he spied a man wrapped in desert garb near the entrance of a cave.
“What’s happening, friend?” queried the man, a phlegmatic Amelekite who was sucking on what appeared to be a rolled up piece of papyrus stuffed with some sort of dried vegetation. Foul smelling smoke wafted from an ember at the end of the papyrus roll.
“Just out for a stroll,” said Mercury, trying to appear nonthreatening in an effort to counterbalance the fact that he towered a foot and a half over the prehistoric hepcat.
“Is that tobacco?”
“To-what-o?” asked the Amelekite, unimpressed. “Never heard of it. This is what we call ‘funk weed.’” The Amelekite took a long, slow drag on the makeshift cigarette, the corner of his mouth curling upward in cool bliss. He held the smoke for a moment and then began to exhale, but the noxious fumes caught in his throat and he started to hack and cough uncontrollably. Mercury waited while the man fell to his knees, choking for breath and ultimately vomiting into an unlucky bush.
“Why would you do that to yourself?” Mercury asked, genuinely puzzled.
“It’s the music,” gasped the green-faced Amelekite. “I keep telling myself to quit, but for some reason this music makes me want to inhale the poisonous fumes of some kind of dried plant.”
As the Amelekite struggled to his feet, the impassioned wail of the saxophone once again echoed from the cave’s mouth.
“It’s an anachronism,” said Mercury. “Jazz isn’t supposed to be discovered for nearly four thousand years. After tobacco and whiskey.”
“Well,” reflected the Amelekite thoughtfully, “Anna Nakkernizzim is a bitch, I’ll tell you that much.” He hacked up a wad of mucus from his throat and spat it on the bush. “What’s the password?”
Read the rest at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/6946. “Mercury Swings” is available in a variety of digital formats and it’s totally free. And don’t worry if you haven't read Mercury Falls yet: there are no spoilers. :)