Most Popular Posts
A Handy Guide to the State of Michigan | Sock Drawer | Your Visual Guide to Media Coverage of t... | This is not a compendia of erratum. | Sock Drawer | Throwing My Vote Away (on a Smaller Vagi... | This Post Was Not Tested on Animals | Denial is One of the Symptoms | Sock Drawer | ...Or Maybe Barrabas | Stumble THIS! | Something Fishy This Way Comes | No (Pointing Out) Fat Chicks | All In Favor of a Heliocentric Solar Sys... | Just Give Me a Nice Big Knob and I'l... | Jobs I Have Sucked At | Can you dig it? | Sock Drawer | 38? But You Seem So Immature! | Blogger of Light(R) | Your Brain (for Dummies) | Hasta la Vista, Monkeyhands (part 2) | Hasta la Vista, Monkeyhands | Tremble Before My Shovel! | Diesel's Campaign Running out of Gas | Urine Trouble Now | Human Inertia | Continuity Test | The Scariest Motel Ever | Sock Drawer #2 |
Complete Archives
November 2002
December 2002
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
April 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
Stuff you need
Latex Mattress
Natural Mattress
Latex Bed
Take your look to the mattresses with custom t-shirts that show off your serious side! Sofa Bed Mattress
RV Mattress

Site contents are (c) 2007-2010 Robert Kroese

Contact me at diesel -at- mattresspolice.com.
Learn more about Mercury Falls and The Force is Middling in this One at RobertKroese.com Search Mattress Police:
Posts matching 'about'

Write the Novel You Want to Read, Part 2

In Part One of this series, I argued that the one indispensable ingredient to the success of a novel is enthusiasm. Before you can expect people to buy your book, they have to be excited about it, and to get them excited about it, you have to be exci... [Read the full post]


Write the Novel You Want to Read

Since my success with self-publishing my first novel, Mercury Falls, I am occasionally approached by other aspiring authors looking for guidance. It's somewhat telling, I suppose, that these writers never actually ask for writing advice; apparently t... [Read the full post]


To the Sunday school staff at Cascade Christian Reformed Church of 1975

Another entry in my series of Childhood Injustices that I Probably Should Have Gotten over by Now.... Dear Sunday school staff at Cascade Christian Reformed Church of 1975: I want you to know that I don’t blame any of you for the “Duck, Duck,... [Read the full post]


I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy (much, much too busy for you)

Some of you may have heard that I have a new book out. As I learned from my experience with Mercury Falls, one of the most effective forms of marketing a book (assuming the book isn’t shite) is to offer free copies to reviewers. When I was getti... [Read the full post]


To Joel P., my best friend from first through fourth grade, inclusive

A while back I heard about an opening for a columnist at a certain humor site that shall remain nameless because I DON'T NEED THOSE STUPID JERKS ANYWAY. They were holding a contest where you had to suggest a prospective column topic and then write se... [Read the full post]


Pre-Order THE FORCE Now!

Yes, yes, I know I promised to do some more substantive posts, but first I have a little business to get out of the way.The official release date for my new book, The Force is Middling in this One, is set for Tuesday, July 27, 2010. As with Mercury... [Read the full post]


I'm Back

So this morning I got an email from my old pal Johnny Virgil at 15 Minute Lunch. It seems that some douchebag with a MySpace blog* has been stealing Johnny's posts. JV wanted to give me a heads-up that DMB** had appropriated some of my content as wel... [Read the full post]


Movie Review: 2012

I have to admit that I walked into the theater with pretty low expectations for the new end-of-the-world flick 2012. Roland Emmerich, the instigator of such dreck as 10,000 BC and The Day After Tomorrow, has not proven to my satisfaction that he’s ca... [Read the full post]


Angels and Monkeys: My Conversation with Mark Rayner

As the MF'ing Blog Tour nears its end, I decided to do something a bit different today. What follows is a conversation I recently had with the author of the new novel Marvellous Hairy, Mark Rayner. As Mercury Falls and Marvellous Hairy are both ... [Read the full post]


MF'ing Blog Tour Update

I'm over at Avitable's place today. Caution: The tagline of Avitable's blog is "tact is for pussies," which may give you an idea of the sort of content you'll find over there.Meet me back here tomorrow for the first part of a conversation with Mark R... [Read the full post]


V for Velocity (or, How not to remake a classic scifi miniseries)

When I heard that ABC was remaking the classic 80s alien invasion miniseries V, I have to admit I got a little tingly. Having seen what the SciFi (now SyFy) Channel did with an interstellar cheese-fest like Battlestar Galactica, I couldn't help but e... [Read the full post]


Police Blotter of the Gods

OLYMPUS 10/25 – Domestic Disturbance: Police were summoned to the residence of Zeus and his wife Metis when neighbors complained of “a sound like somebody being eaten.” Officers found Zeus in his front yard, naked and apparently intoxicated. When ... [Read the full post]


Something that I've been needing to get off my chest

To the boys of my fifth grade class who were in attendance at Jeff Cornell’s 11th birthday party: Hey fellas! Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Let me get right to the point. I suppose you all remember Jeff Cornell’s 11th birthday party, whe... [Read the full post]


Mercury Falls now on Amazon!

If you're like me, you're sick to death of these posts about my novel, Mercury Falls, so I'll keep this short. Mercury Falls is now available through Amazon.com. Just click here to order it.There has been a slight delay with the Kindle version; ... [Read the full post]


All Good Things...

That's kind of a cruel post title, isn't it? Okay, so let's get this out of the way: no, I'm still not giving up on Mattress Police. Ideas for stupid little essays keep popping into my head, and as long as that keeps happening, this blog will keep go... [Read the full post]


House, Plumber

In a world not too different from our own, there is a man whose plumbing expertise is so impressive that his customers and co-workers have no choice but to put up with his unparalleled arrogance and eccentricity. That man is Gregory House, plumber. (... [Read the full post]


I'd Rather Be Quilting in a Beach House

I’m back. I still can’t tell you why I stopped blogging exactly, but I can tell you why I started up again. The urge to blog hit me on the way in to work a few days ago, when I saw a bumper sticker that read: I would rather be quilting in a be... [Read the full post]


More Shilling for my Novel!

But wait, this is good. I've finally come up with some details about how you can win a copy. Here's how it will work: From now until August 31, I will give away one copy for every five new fans of MERCURY FALLS. For example, right now there are 27... [Read the full post]


Mercury Falls to be Released on 10/1!

Over the past several months, I've been working on finding a publisher for my novel, Mercury Falls. Although the reception from agents has been positive, this is a particularly bad time for a new author to be trying to get published. The always-risk-... [Read the full post]


We did it!

Over 500 people have signed up for the Mercury Falls interest list! Many thanks to everyone who blogged, emailed, tweeted, facebook and arm-twisted to get people to sign up.As promised, I'm beginning the process of self-publishing the book. I'm doing... [Read the full post]


<-- Older Posts     Newer Posts -->