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Hi. My name is Rob Kroese, AKA "Diesel." This is my blog. It has many words in it,
which are arranged in an intentionally amusing manner. I don't update it much any
more on account of IT WAS TAKING OVER MY LIFE. But hey, there's plenty of good
stuff in the archives. If you're new here, start with some of my Most Popular
Posts. And if you like that stuff, feel free to buy my novel. All proceeds go
toward proving to my junior high school teachers that I'm not a huge failure.
And if you're still not convinced, read a sample chapter here.
It's awesome.
Posts matching 'congratulations'
I don't know how he does it, but Brad won again.Fighting it out for second place were CrummyJoel with:"Diesel and Kumar go to a White Dwarf"And Johnny Truant with:"Set phasers to SEXY!"
Thanks for playing, everybody. And yes, I've finally mana... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Fold My Laundry Please won this time around. FMLP, you may display the coveted In Your Face award.LeSombre came in a close second with:Diesel: "If this works, I'm positive you'll get a 3rd facial expression"Keanu: "..."And perennial favorite Brad to... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Now that you’ve read my tirade against bad writing, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Holy crap, I need to get my act together. Otherwise I’ll have no one to blame but myself if Diesel was to berate me for my incorrect usage of the subjunctive ... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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It's probably a good thing that Santa Claus isn't a Muslim, because when you live at the North Pole, it's really hard to face east five times a day.*****I hate Vegans. I don't mind regular vegetarians so much, but there is a certain smugness about v... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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One can learn a lot of interesting things working at Google.I was surprised to learn, for example, how easy it is to be turned into a werewolf.I am not at liberty to disclose the exact nature of the project I’m working on, but I don’t think that I’m ... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Congratulations on your selection of the Cerebronix Diesel 1000 Carbon-Based Brain! The Diesel 1000 is a state of the art cerebral engine that takes advantage of the latest in organic brain technology. We think you’ll be glad you chose the Diesel ... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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One of my most popular posts ever is Harry Potter and the Inevitable Slide into Satanism. It even made it into my book. The point of the post was to make fun of close-minded people who won't let their kids read Harry Potter books. I wrote: Now tha... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Brad won handily this week, with a caption that was about neither farting nor something being in someone's pocket. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you.Brad, you may proudly display the coveted In Your Face award:VE came in second with:Spielberg:... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Bear with me while I conduct a little experiment.I've noticed that the traffic on this site has taken a significant drop over the past week or so. Analyzing my stats, I see that I'm not getting nearly as many hits from Google image search any more. ... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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This week's winning caption came from y not i. Y not i, if you had a blog, you could display the coveted In Your Face award:In second place was Bex Mitchell, with:Rambo - "...and I will love him, and hug him, andcall him George..." (Diesel sighs wit... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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This week wyo once again trounced the competition with a caption that perfectly fit the dumb guy look on my face while simultaneously poking fun at Johnny Depp's history of collaboration with Tim Burton.Congratulations, wyo! You may display this cus... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Well folks, he did it again. Mr. Pink T-shirt, proprietor of Crummy Church Signs and author of the runaway bestseller Crummy Church Signs Volume 1, won the caption contest. And with the shortest caption ever, I might add.Joel, you get to display th... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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This week's winning caption came from Mattress Police Stalker-in-Chief, Zoning Out Again. Or is it Obsessive Randomness with Zoning Out Again? Or maybe it's Zoning Random Obsessively Zoning Random Ponderings. Or something. Anyway, congratulations... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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So, I wrote this book, see.It's pretty darn funny, if I do say so myself. It's got over 50 of my best posts, with all the stupid boring crap taken out and some cool non-boring crap shoved in where the boring crap used to be. It's going to retail fo... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Congratulations to wyo from Temporary Digression of the Spotted Kind for taking home the coveted autographed digital photo this week.Second place:"Thinker: Foolish flesh-man! No mortal can best me in a game of 'Statues'!Diesel: F*** you and the plint... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Ok, Mrs. Diesel and I stayed up late last night picking the best captions. I read them to her in random order with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, and she picked the ones she liked the best. Initially she had a list of 15 favorites, but sever... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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To make up for my taxing post yesterday, here are some sites that will give you a quick fix of humor without requiring a lot of reading or paying attention for long periods of time. Crummy Church Signs - A perennial favorite. Chingli... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Yes, it's the moment you've been waiting for. No, I'm not going to shave. It's time to announce last week's caption contest winners!We had a lot of new contenders in the finalists, but the clear favorites were two lovely Snarksters. Coming in thir... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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First place:Data looked up at the captain wishing he knew how to quit him.- Pavel of Probably PavelSecond place:"12, Data. 12 Hornecian Flognarts to screw in a lightbulb. No. I didn't get it either."- Candace of Jumping at the Ground and MissingThir... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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Better late than never, here are the winners of the Funniest Blog Post contest for February. Congratulations to the winners and thanks to everybody who voted and/or participated!1st Place: Crummy Church Signs: Peter? 2nd Place: The Hot... [Read the full post]
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Do you find yourself thinking, "Sure, that was a pretty good post, but it's too bad
it's not 300 pages long"? Then you should totally buy my novel, Mercury Falls!
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