If you think I come up with some crazy stuff while I'm awake, you should hear my dreams.
One of my favorites is a dream that I had when I was a little kid. I was walking through our house and I saw that there were wolves hiding behind the furniture. I told my dad, who announced authoritatively, "Well, we'll have to blow up the attic." I found this oddly reassuring.
Not too long ago I had a dream I where my older brother and I were sitting by the side of a road when a helicopter flew overhead carrying a milk carton the size of a house. I turned to my brother and said, "That is a
big f---ing milk carton." End scene.
I'm pretty sure I dream about celebrities more than is normal. And not usually the celebrities you'd think -- there are a lot of real C-listers in there. You could throw the stars of my dreams together in a house and have a decent episode of
The Surreal Life. Recently I was thinking about all the celebrity appearances in my dreams over the past few years, and I came up with the following list. The number of appearances of each celebrity appears in parentheses after the name.
Huey Lewis (3)In the first two dreams, Huey was a sort of Godot-like figure. I waited patiently, and eventually he showed up, but was too busy to talk to me. In the third one we talked, but I can't remember what about.
Ed Kowalczyk, the lead singer of the band Live (2)In one of the dreams, we discussed the
Crummy Church Signs website.
Paris Hilton (2)Neither of these dreams was sexual in nature. In one of them, we sat together in a coffee shop while I gave her career advice. "You're like a modern day Audrey Hepburn," I told her. "People expect more from you."
Charlie Sheen (1)Also not sexual in nature.
Halle Berry (1)No comment.
Howard Hesseman, star of WKRP in Cincinnati and Head of the Class (1)My dream was actually a commercial for a nonexistent TV show called
The Howard Hesseman Show. It consisted of various clips of the show, one of which was Howard saying, "I want to die in these pants. It really wouldn't be heaven without these pants."
Bill Clinton, George Bush Sr., Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, Richard Nixon (1 each)I have the distinction of having dreamed about every ex-president who was alive during my lifeti
me. I can't recall the details of any of the dreams. They seemed to be basically photo ops for the ex-presidents.
Jimmy Walker, star of TV's Good TimesThis one is my all-time favorite (excluding Halle Berry). I was in church and Jimmy Walker was the minister. He was stoking the congregation into a frenzy, but instead of exclaiming "Amen!", everybody was shouting "Dyn-o-mite!" Honest to God, I'm not making that up.
I'm sure there were more, but when you've slept with as many celebrities as I have, you start to forget. I should probably start some kind of dream journal, although that sort of thing might be hard to explain if I ever run for public office: "Last night: Scott Baio - told me Fonzie was really an alien. I told him I really liked
Joanie Loves Chachi, but was just being polite."
I'll keep you updated the next time some faded sitcom star or aging pop singer shows up in one of my dreams. I mean, unless it's Belinda Carlisle. A man's got to have some secrets.
Labels: Anecdotes, Huey-pocalypse or Maybe Huey-geddon, Nonsense