Welcome to the World Headquarters of the Mattress Police!
This site is a repository of observations written and directed by Rob Kroese (aka Diesel), a poor sap trying to find his place in this mixed-up world.
Diesel is the author of Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police,
a collection of over 50 of his most hilarious essays. Order your copy today!
Diesel lives in Ripon, California, and has recently retired from his job as a software developer at the ripe old age of 36. Currently he spends most of his time building his house. In his spare time he enjoys writing, reading books suggested by his fellow bloggers, and talking about himself in the third person. He has a beautiful wife named Julia, who will be canonized shortly after her death (many years from now) for putting up with him, and two equally beautiful children. He is also working on a master's degree in the humanities, because he was concerned that his BA in philosophy wasn't very practical. He dreams of amassing a fortune in the poultry industry, so that he can refer to himself as a "chick magnate."
His main blog is The Secret Files of the Mattress Police, a repository of Diesel's profound and amusing diatribes, with the occasional anecdote from Diesel's storied past. Generally updated every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Diesel also runs Humor-Blogs.com, one of the most popular directories of funny blogs on the web.
And in case that's not enough for you, feel free to check out Central Booking, Diesel's thoughts on books he has been sentenced to read; and Deep Cover, which is all serious crap.
If you like this site and want to link to it, please feel free. If you let Diesel know you've linked to Mattress Police, he'll check out your site and most likely link back to it. Also feel free to drop him a note if you are a friend from college or one of his former teachers who wants an apology.
And if you're wondering where "Diesel" came from, you can read the whole story here (not for the faint of heart). You'll be sorry you asked.
